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1 CONDOM(1) EUNUCH Programmer's Manual CONDOM(1)
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2
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3
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4
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5 NAME
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6 condom - Protection against viruses and prevention of child
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7 processes
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8
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9 SYNOPSIS
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10 condom [options] [processid]
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11
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12 DESCRIPTION
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13 _condom_ provides protection against System Transmitted
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14 Viruses (STVs) that may invade your system. Although the spread of
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15 such viruses across a network can only be abated by aware and cautious
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16 users, _condom_ is the only highly-effective means of preventing
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17 viruses from entering your system (see celibacy(1)). Any data passed
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18 to _condom_ by the protected process will be blocked, as specified by
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19 the value of the -s option (see OPTIONS below). _condom_ is known to
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20 defend against the following viruses and other malicious
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21 afflictions...
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22
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23 o AIDS
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24 o Herpes Simplex (genital varieties)
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25 o Syphilis
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26 o Crabs
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27 o Genital warts
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28 o Gonorrhea
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29 o Chlamydia
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30 o Michelangelo
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31 o Jerusalem
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32
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33 When used alone or in conjunction with pill(1), sponge(1),
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34 foam(1), and/or setiud(3), _condom_ also prevents the conception of a
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35 child process. If invoked from within a synchronous process, _condom_
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36 has, by default, an 80% chance of preventing the external processes
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37 from becoming parent processes (see the -s option below). When other
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38 process contraceptives are used, the chance of preventing a child
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39 process from being forked becomes much greater. See pill(1),
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40 sponge(1), foam(1), and setiud(3) for more information.
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41 If no options are given, the current user's login process (as
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42 determined by the environment variable USER) is protected with a
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43 Trojan rough-cut latex condom without a reservoir tip. The optional
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44 'processid' argument is an integer specifying the process to protect.
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45 NOTE: _condom_ may only be used with a hard disk. _condom_
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46 will terminate abnormally with exit code -1 if used with a floppy
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47 disk (see DIAGNOSTICS below).
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48
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49 OPTIONS
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50 The following options may be given to _condom_...
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51
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52 -b BRAND BRANDs are as follows...
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53
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54 trojan (default)
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55 ramses
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56 sheik
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57 goldcoin
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58 fourex
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59
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60 -m MATERIAL The valid MATERIALs are...
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61
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62 latex (default)
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63 saranwrap
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64 membrane -- WARNING! The membrane option is _not_
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65 endorsed by the System Administrator General as an
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66 effective barrier against certain viruses. It is
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67 supported only for the sake of tradition.
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68
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69 -f FLAVOR The following FLAVORs are currently supported...
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70
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71 plain (default)
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72 apple
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73 banana
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74 cherry
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75 cinnamon
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76 licorice
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77 orange
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78 peppermint
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79 raspberry
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80 spearmint
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81 strawberry
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82
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83 -r Toggle reservoir tip (default is no reservoir tip)
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84
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85 -s STRENGTH STRENGTH is an integer between 20 and 100 specifying
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86 the resilience of _condom_ against data passed to
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87 _condom_ by the protected process. Using a larger
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88 value of STRENGTH increases _condom_'s protective
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89 abilities, but also reduces interprocess communication.
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90 A smaller value of STRENGTH increases interprocess
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91 communication, but also increases the likelihood of a
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92 security breach. An extremely vigorous process or
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93 one passing an enormous amount of data to _condom_
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94 will increase the chance of _condom_'s failure. The
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95 default STRENGTH is 80%.
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96
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97 -t TEXTURE Valid TEXTUREs are...
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98
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99 rough (default)
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100 ribbed
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101 bumps
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102 lubricated (provides smoother interaction between
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103 processes)
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104
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105 WARNING: The use of an external application to _condom_ in
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106 order to reduce friction between processes has been proven in
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107 benchmark tests to decrease _condom_'s strength factor! If execution
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108 speed is important to your process, use the '-t lubricated' option.
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109
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110 DIAGNOSTICS
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111 _condom_ terminates with one of the following exit codes...
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112
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113 -1 An attempt was made to use _condom_ on a floppy disk.
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114
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115 0 _condom_ exited successfully (no data was passed to
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116 the synchronous process).
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117
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118 1 _condom_ failed and data was allowed through. The
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119 danger of transmission of an STV or the forking of a child
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120 process is inversely proportional to the number of other
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121 protections employed and is directly proportional to
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122 the ages of the processes involved.
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123
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124 BUGS
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125 _condom_ is NOT 100% effective at preventing a child process
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126 from being forked or at deterring the invasion of a virus (although
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127 the System Administrator General has deemed that _condom_ is the most
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128 effective means of preventing the spread of system transmitted
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129 viruses). See celibacy(1) for information on a 100% effective program
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130 for preventing these problems.
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131 Remember... the use of sex(1) and other related routines
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132 should only occur between mature, consenting processes. If you must
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133 use sex(1), please employ _condom_ to protect your process and your
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134 synchronous process. If we are all responsible, we can stop the
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135 spread of STVs.
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136
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137 AUTHORS and HISTORY
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138 The original version of _condom_ was released in Roman times
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139 and was only marginally effective. With the advent of modern
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140 technology, _condom_ now supports many more options and is much more
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141 effective.
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142 The current release of _condom_ was written by Ken Maupin at
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143 the University of Washington (maupin@cs.washington.edu) and was last
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144 updated on 10/7/92.
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145
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146 SEE ALSO
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147 celibacy(1), sex(1), pill(1), sponge(1), foam(1), and
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148 setiud(3)
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