The Free Software Foundation claims no copyright on this file,compiled largely from postings to public newsgroups and mailing lists,and the GNU project email archives.From: Don Chiasson <G.CHIASSON@DREA-XX.ARPA>Subject: Some gnu jokesTo: jokes@DREA-XX.ARPA, gergely@DREA-XX.ARPA, broome@DREA-XX.ARPAcc: G.CHIASSON@DREA-XX.ARPAMessage-ID: <12329394624.13.G.CHIASSON@DREA-XX.ARPA> Richard M. Stallman (RMS, widely known for creating EMACS) is writinga UNIX clone called GNU (which means Gnu's Not Unix--a recursive acronym).This seems to open the way to a whole gnu class of jokes. For example:Q: What do you call a person who hacks while wearing no clothes?A: A gnudist.Q: What do you call an eligible young hacker?A: Gnubile.Q: What is a hacker's favorite candy?A: Gnugat. (Though it contains little gnutrition.)Q: What do you call a computer filled with air?A: Gnumatic.Q: What do you call a novice hacker who keeps pestering you with foolish questions?A: A gnuisance.Q: What do you call a subtle, clever hack in the favorite language?A: A gnuanCe.Q: What do you use a supercomputer for?A: Gnumerical analysis.Q: What do you call a hacker who collects coins?A: A gnumismatist. Well, there are more, just too gnumerous to tell all at once. I thinkI'd better go before someone starts firing gnuclear weapons at me. DonFrom: patl@athena.mit.edu (Patrick J. LoPresti)Message-ID: <1991Jul11.031731.9260@athena.mit.edu>Sender: news@athena.mit.edu (News system)Subject: The True Path (long)Date: 11 Jul 91 03:17:31 GMTPath: ai-lab!mintaka!olivea!samsung!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!think.com!snorkelwacker.mit.edu!bloom-picayune.mit.edu!athena.mit.edu!patlNewsgroups: alt.religion.emacs,alt.slackOrganization: Massachusetts Institute of TechnologyLines: 95Xref: ai-lab alt.religion.emacs:244 alt.slack:1935When I log into my Xenix system with my 110 baud teletype, both vi*and* Emacs are just too damn slow. They print useless messages like,'C-h for help' and '"foo" File is read only'. So I use the editorthat doesn't waste my VALUABLE time.Ed, man! !man edED(1) UNIX Programmer's Manual ED(1)NAME ed - text editorSYNOPSIS ed [ - ] [ -x ] [ name ]DESCRIPTION Ed is the standard text editor.---Computer Scientists love ed, not just because it comes firstalphabetically, but because it's the standard. Everyone else loves edbecause it's ED!"Ed is the standard text editor."And ed doesn't waste space on my Timex Sinclair. Just look:-rwxr-xr-x 1 root 24 Oct 29 1929 /bin/ed-rwxr-xr-t 4 root 1310720 Jan 1 1970 /usr/ucb/vi-rwxr-xr-x 1 root 5.89824e37 Oct 22 1990 /usr/bin/emacsOf course, on the system *I* administrate, vi is symlinked to ed.Emacs has been replaced by a shell script which 1) Generates a syslogmessage at level LOG_EMERG; 2) reduces the user's disk quota by 100K;and 3) RUNS ED!!!!!!"Ed is the standard text editor."Let's look at a typical novice's session with the mighty ed:golem> ed?help???quit?exit?bye?hello??eat flaming death?^C?^C?^D?---Note the consistent user interface and error reportage. Ed isgenerous enough to flag errors, yet prudent enough not to overwhelmthe novice with verbosity."Ed is the standard text editor."Ed, the greatest WYGIWYG editor of all.ED IS THE TRUE PATH TO NIRVANA! ED HAS BEEN THE CHOICE OF EDUCATEDAND IGNORANT ALIKE FOR CENTURIES! ED WILL NOT CORRUPT YOUR PRECIOUSBODILY FLUIDS!! ED IS THE STANDARD TEXT EDITOR! ED MAKES THE SUNSHINE AND THE BIRDS SING AND THE GRASS GREEN!!When I use an editor, I don't want eight extra KILOBYTES of worthlesshelp screens and cursor positioning code! I just want an EDitor!!Not a "viitor". Not a "emacsitor". Those aren't even WORDS!!!! ED!ED! ED IS THE STANDARD!!!TEXT EDITOR.When IBM, in its ever-present omnipotence, needed to base their"edlin" on a UNIX standard, did they mimic vi? No. Emacs? Surelyyou jest. They chose the most karmic editor of all. The standard.Ed is for those who can *remember* what they are working on. If youare an idiot, you should use Emacs. If you are an Emacs, you shouldnot be vi. If you use ED, you are on THE PATH TO REDEMPTION. THESO-CALLED "VISUAL" EDITORS HAVE BEEN PLACED HERE BY ED TO TEMPT THEFAITHLESS. DO NOT GIVE IN!!! THE MIGHTY ED HAS SPOKEN!!!?From: The Unknown User <anonymous@nowhere.uucp>Subject: EMACS -- What does it mean?To: mit-prep!info-gnu-emacs@TOPAZ.RUTGERS.EDUEMACS belongs in <sys/errno.h>: Editor too big!Escape-Meta-Alt-Control-ShiftFrom: harvard!topaz!BLUE!BRAIL@mit-eddieDate: 9 Sep 85 17:25:27 EDTSubject: EMACS -- What does it mean?To: mit-prep!info-gnu-emacs@TOPAZ.RUTGERS.EDU EMACS may stand for "Editing MACroS," but some friends of minesuggested some more creative definitions. Here they are. Anyone haveany additions?--------EightMegabytesAndConstantlySwappingEven aMaster ofArtsComesSimplerEmacsManualsAreCryptic andSurrealEnergeticMerchantsAlwaysCultivateSalesEachManual'sAudience isCompletelyStupifiedEmacsMeansACrappyScreenEventuallyMunchesAllComputerStorageEvenMyAuntCrashes theSystemEradication ofMemoryAccomplished withCompleteSimplicityElsewhereMaybeAlternativeCivilizationsSurviveEgregiousManagersActivelyCourtStallmanEsotericMalleabilityAlwaysConsideredSillyEmacsManualsAlwaysCauseSenilityEasilyMaintained with theAssistance ofChemicalSolutionsEMACSMACROACTEDCREDOSODOMEdwardianManifestation ofAllColonialSinsGenerallyNotUsedExcept byMiddleAgedComputerScientistsExtendedMacrosAreConsideredSuperfluousEveryModeAcceleratesCreation ofSoftwareElsewhereMaybeAllCommands areSimpleEmacsMayAllowCustomizedScrewupsExcellentManualsAreClearlySuppressedEmeticMacrosAssaultCore andSegmentationEmbarrassedManual-WriterAccused ofCommunistSubversionExtensibility andModifiabilityAggravateConfirmedSimpletonsEmacsMayAnnihilateCommandStructuresEasilyMangles,Aborts,Crashes andStupifiesExtraneousMacrosAndCommandsStinkExceptionallyMediocreAlgorithm forComputerScientistsEMACSMakes noAllowancesConsidering itsStiff priceEquineMammalsAreConsiderablySmallerEmbarrassinglyMundaneAdvertisingCutsSalesEveryMoronAssumesCCA isSuperiorExceptionallyMediocreAutocraticControlSystemEMACSMayAlienateClients andSupportersExcavatingMayanArchitectureComesSimplerErasingMindsAllowsCompleteSubmissionEveryMaleAdolescentCravesSexElephantineMemoryAbsolutelyConsideredSine que nonEmacsMakersAreCrazySickosEenie-Meenie-Miney-Mo-MacrosAreCompletelySlowExperience theMildestAdCampaign everSeenEmacsMakefilesAnnihilateC-ShellsEradication ofMemoryAccomplished withCompleteSimplicityEmeticMacrosAssaultCore andSegmentationEpilepticMLispAggravatesCompilerSeizuresEleven thousandMonkeysAsynchronouslyCrank out theseSlogans-------From: ihnss!warren@mit-eddie (Warren Montgomery)Newsgroups: net.emacsSubject: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean?Date: Tue, 10-Sep-85 09:14:24 EDTOrganization: AT&T Bell Labs, Naperville, ILApparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prepSomeone at a luncheon suggested it meant:Evenings,Mornings,And aCouple ofSaturdays(In reference to the odd hours that went into the creation of myimplementation).-- Warren Montgomery ihnss!warren IH ((312)-979) x2494Date: Wed, 18 Sep 85 10:11:04 edtFrom: inmet!tower@inmet.inmet (Leonard H. Tower Jr.) <inmet!tower@cca-unix>Subject: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean?To: tower@MIT-PREP.ARPAReceived: by inmet.uucp (4.12/inmet) id AA02199; Wed, 18 Sep 85 09:10:17 edtDate: Wed, 18 Sep 85 09:10:17 edtMessage-Id: <8509181310.AA02199@inmet.uucp>Uucp-Paths: {bellcore,ima,ihnp4}!inmet!towerArpa-Path: ima!inmet!tower@CCA-UNIX.ARPAOrganization: Intermetrics, Inc., Cambridge, MA, USAHome: 36 Porter Street, Somerville, MA 02143, USA +1 (617) 623-7739/* Written 6:48 pm Sep 14, 1985 by gml@ssc-vax in inmet:net.emacs *//* ---------- "Re: EMACS -- What does it mean?" ---------- */Pleeeeeeeze!!! Nice try on the meaning of EMACS. I believe thecorrect acronym is:EmacsMakesAllComputingSimpleThank you, and Good Night/* End of text from inmet:net.emacs */From: ho95e!wcs@mit-eddie (Bill.Stewart.4K435.x0705)Newsgroups: net.emacsSubject: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean?Date: Thu, 26-Sep-85 21:43:54 EDTOrganization: AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel NJApparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep> > very interesting, but what does GNU stand for ?> GNU = Gnu's Not UNIX. There is also MINCE, for Mince Is Not a Complete Emacs.> More recursive acronyms, anyone?Many people have also seen FINE Is Not Emacs, but the one that hascharacter is THief Isn't Even Fine.--## Bill Stewart, AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel NJ 1-201-949-0705 ihnp4!ho95c!wcsPath: mit-eddie!think!harvard!bbnccv!bbncca!linus!decvax!mcnc!ncsu!uvacs!edison!ta2From: edison!ta2@mit-eddie (tom allebrandi)Newsgroups: net.emacsSubject: Re: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean?Date: Sun, 29-Sep-85 18:11:55 EDTOrganization: General Electric's Mountain ResortApparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep> GNU = Gnu's Not UNIX. There is also MINCE, for Mince Is Not a Complete Emacs.>> More recursive acronyms, anyone?>For the DEC-system-10/20: FINE - Fine Is Not Emacs.....--...............tom allebrandi 2, general electric aco, charlottesville, va{decvax,duke}!mcnc!ncsu!uvacs!edison!ta2box 8106, charlottesville, va, 22906(804) 978-5566...............Date: Wed, 16 Oct 85 01:38:12 edtFrom: inmet!tower (Leonard H. Tower Jr.) <inmet!tower@cca-unix>Subject: more namesTo: tower@MIT-PREP.ARPAReceived: by inmet.uucp (4.12/inmet) id AA12997; Tue, 15 Oct 85 22:31:39 edtDate: Tue, 15 Oct 85 22:31:39 edtMessage-Id: <8510160231.AA12997@inmet.uucp>Uucp-Paths: {bellcore,ima,ihnp4}!inmet!towerArpa-Path: ima!inmet!tower@CCA-UNIX.ARPAOrganization: Intermetrics, Inc., Cambridge, MA, USAHome: 36 Porter Street, Somerville, MA 02143, USA +1 (617) 623-7739/* Written 12:20 pm Oct 14, 1985 by rs@mirror.UUCP in inmet:net.emacs */SINE: Sine Is Not Emacs (MIT Architecture Machine Group)EINE: Eine is Not Emacs (MIT Lisp Machine)ZWEI: Zwei Was Eine Initially ("rev2" of EINE)--Rich $alz {mit-eddie, ihnp4!inmet, wjh12, cca, datacube} !mirror!rsMirror Systems 2067 Massachusetts Ave.617-661-0777 Cambridge, MA, 02140/* End of text from inmet:net.emacs */Path: mit-eddie!genrad!panda!talcott!harvard!seismo!gatech!ulysses!pajbFrom: ulysses!pajb@mit-eddie (Paul Bennett)Newsgroups: net.emacsSubject: Here we go again ...Date: Sat, 19-Oct-85 17:26:49 EDTOrganization: AT&T Bell Laboratories, Murray HillApparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep> EINE: Eine is Not Emacs> (MIT Lisp Machine)>> ZWEI: Zwei Was Eine Initially> ("rev2" of EINE)DREI: DREI - Really Emacs Inside (Exists only in my head)From: friedman@gnu.ai.mit.edu (Noah Friedman)Sender: friedman@gnu.ai.mit.eduTo: jimb@gnu.ai.mit.edu, rms@gnu.ai.mit.eduSubject: etc/emacs.namesDate: Fri, 9 Oct 92 00:54:57 edtThe following should be added:EmacsMakesAComputerSlowFrom: S_TITZ@iravcl.ira.uka.de (Olaf Titz)Newsgroups: alt.religion.emacsSubject: Re: what emacs stands forDate: 12 Oct 92 19:29:32 GMTEmacs Masquerades As Comfortable ShellEver Made A Control-key Setup?Emacs: My Alternative Computer StoryEmacs Made Almost Completely Screwed (by extensive use of M-x global-unset-key)Emacs Macht Alle Computer Schoen (deutsch) (=Emacs makes all computers beautiful)Each Mail A Continued SurpriseEvery Mode Acknowledges Customized Strokes (keystrokes, of course :-)Eating Memory And Cycle-SuckingEveryday Material Almost Compiled Successfullynow enough bashing for today :-)From: elvis@gnu.ai.mit.eduTo: emacs-19-bugs@gnu.ai.mit.eduSubject: missing from etc/emacs.namesDate: Thu, 20 May 93 02:21:27 edtElvisMastermindsAllComputerSoftwareJust so you boys know the score.Thank you very Much,The King