Mercurial > emacs
diff etc/JOKES @ 25853:e96ffe544684
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author | Dave Love <fx@gnu.org> |
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date | Sun, 03 Oct 1999 12:39:42 +0000 |
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children | e6a15b4101f4 |
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--- /dev/null Thu Jan 01 00:00:00 1970 +0000 +++ b/etc/JOKES Sun Oct 03 12:39:42 1999 +0000 @@ -0,0 +1,642 @@ +From: Don Chiasson <G.CHIASSON@DREA-XX.ARPA> +Subject: Some gnu jokes +To: jokes@DREA-XX.ARPA, gergely@DREA-XX.ARPA, broome@DREA-XX.ARPA +cc: G.CHIASSON@DREA-XX.ARPA +Message-ID: <12329394624.13.G.CHIASSON@DREA-XX.ARPA> + + Richard M. Stallman (RMS, widely known for creating EMACS) is writing +a UNIX clone called GNU (which means Gnu's Not Unix--a recursive acronym). +This seems to open the way to a whole gnu class of jokes. For example: + +Q: What do you call a person who hacks while wearing no clothes? +A: A gnudist. + +Q: What do you call an eligible young hacker? +A: Gnubile. + +Q: What is a hacker's favorite candy? +A: Gnugat. (Though it contains little gnutrition.) + +Q: What do you call a computer filled with air? +A: Gnumatic. + +Q: What do you call a novice hacker who keeps pestering you + with foolish questions? +A: A gnuisance. + +Q: What do you call a subtle, clever hack in the favorite language? +A: A gnuanCe. + +Q: What do you use a supercomputer for? +A: Gnumerical analysis. + +Q: What do you call a hacker who collects coins? +A: A gnumismatist. + + Well, there are more, just too gnumerous to tell all at once. I think +I'd better go before someone starts firing gnuclear weapons at me. + Don + +From: patl@athena.mit.edu (Patrick J. LoPresti) +Message-ID: <1991Jul11.031731.9260@athena.mit.edu> +Sender: news@athena.mit.edu (News system) +Subject: The True Path (long) +Date: 11 Jul 91 03:17:31 GMT +Path: ai-lab!mintaka!olivea!samsung!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!think.com!snorkelwacker.mit.edu!bloom-picayune.mit.edu!athena.mit.edu!patl +Newsgroups: alt.religion.emacs,alt.slack +Organization: Massachusetts Institute of Technology +Lines: 95 +Xref: ai-lab alt.religion.emacs:244 alt.slack:1935 + +When I log into my Xenix system with my 110 baud teletype, both vi +*and* Emacs are just too damn slow. They print useless messages like, +'C-h for help' and '"foo" File is read only'. So I use the editor +that doesn't waste my VALUABLE time. + +Ed, man! !man ed + +ED(1) UNIX Programmer's Manual ED(1) + +NAME + ed - text editor + +SYNOPSIS + ed [ - ] [ -x ] [ name ] +DESCRIPTION + Ed is the standard text editor. +--- + +Computer Scientists love ed, not just because it comes first +alphabetically, but because it's the standard. Everyone else loves ed +because it's ED! + +"Ed is the standard text editor." + +And ed doesn't waste space on my Timex Sinclair. Just look: + +-rwxr-xr-x 1 root 24 Oct 29 1929 /bin/ed +-rwxr-xr-t 4 root 1310720 Jan 1 1970 /usr/ucb/vi +-rwxr-xr-x 1 root 5.89824e37 Oct 22 1990 /usr/bin/emacs + +Of course, on the system *I* administrate, vi is symlinked to ed. +Emacs has been replaced by a shell script which 1) Generates a syslog +message at level LOG_EMERG; 2) reduces the user's disk quota by 100K; +and 3) RUNS ED!!!!!! + +"Ed is the standard text editor." + +Let's look at a typical novice's session with the mighty ed: + +golem> ed + +? +help +? +? +? +quit +? +exit +? +bye +? +hello? +? +eat flaming death +? +^C +? +^C +? +^D +? + +--- +Note the consistent user interface and error reportage. Ed is +generous enough to flag errors, yet prudent enough not to overwhelm +the novice with verbosity. + +"Ed is the standard text editor." + +Ed, the greatest WYGIWYG editor of all. + +ED IS THE TRUE PATH TO NIRVANA! ED HAS BEEN THE CHOICE OF EDUCATED +AND IGNORANT ALIKE FOR CENTURIES! ED WILL NOT CORRUPT YOUR PRECIOUS +BODILY FLUIDS!! ED IS THE STANDARD TEXT EDITOR! ED MAKES THE SUN +SHINE AND THE BIRDS SING AND THE GRASS GREEN!! + +When I use an editor, I don't want eight extra KILOBYTES of worthless +help screens and cursor positioning code! I just want an EDitor!! +Not a "viitor". Not a "emacsitor". Those aren't even WORDS!!!! ED! +ED! ED IS THE STANDARD!!! + +TEXT EDITOR. + +When IBM, in its ever-present omnipotence, needed to base their +"edlin" on a UNIX standard, did they mimic vi? No. Emacs? Surely +you jest. They chose the most karmic editor of all. The standard. + +Ed is for those who can *remember* what they are working on. If you +are an idiot, you should use Emacs. If you are an Emacs, you should +not be vi. If you use ED, you are on THE PATH TO REDEMPTION. THE +SO-CALLED "VISUAL" EDITORS HAVE BEEN PLACED HERE BY ED TO TEMPT THE +FAITHLESS. DO NOT GIVE IN!!! THE MIGHTY ED HAS SPOKEN!!! + +? + +From: The Unknown User <anonymous@nowhere.uucp> +Subject: EMACS -- What does it mean? +To: mit-prep!info-gnu-emacs@TOPAZ.RUTGERS.EDU + +EMACS belongs in <sys/errno.h>: Editor too big! + + +Escape-Meta-Alt-Control-Shift + + +From: harvard!topaz!BLUE!BRAIL@mit-eddie +Date: 9 Sep 85 17:25:27 EDT +Subject: EMACS -- What does it mean? +To: mit-prep!info-gnu-emacs@TOPAZ.RUTGERS.EDU + + EMACS may stand for "Editing MACroS," but some friends of mine +suggested some more creative definitions. Here they are. Anyone have +any additions? + +-------- +Eight +Megabytes +And +Constantly +Swapping + +Even a +Master of +Arts +Comes +Simpler + +Emacs +Manuals +Are +Cryptic and +Surreal + +Energetic +Merchants +Always +Cultivate +Sales + +Each +Manual's +Audience is +Completely +Stupified + +Emacs +Means +A +Crappy +Screen + +Eventually +Munches +All +Computer +Storage + +Even +My +Aunt +Crashes the +System + +Eradication of +Memory +Accomplished with +Complete +Simplicity + +Elsewhere +Maybe +Alternative +Civilizations +Survive + +Egregious +Managers +Actively +Court +Stallman + +Esoteric +Malleability +Always +Considered +Silly + +Emacs +Manuals +Always +Cause +Senility + +Easily +Maintained with the +Assistance of +Chemical +Solutions + +EMACS +MACRO +ACTED +CREDO +SODOM + +Edwardian +Manifestation of +All +Colonial +Sins + +Generally +Not +Used + +Except by +Middle +Aged +Computer +Scientists + +Extended +Macros +Are +Considered +Superfluous + +Every +Mode +Accelerates +Creation of +Software + +Elsewhere +Maybe +All +Commands are +Simple + +Emacs +May +Allow +Customised +Screwups + +Excellent +Manuals +Are +Clearly +Suppressed + +Emetic +Macros +Assault +Core and +Segmentation + +Embarrassed +Manual-Writer +Accused of +Communist +Subversion + +Extensibility and +Modifiability +Aggravate +Confirmed +Simpletons + +Emacs +May +Annihilate +Command +Structures + +Easily +Mangles, +Aborts, +Crashes and +Stupifies + +Extraneous +Macros +And +Commands +Stink + +Exceptionally +Mediocre +Algorithm for +Computer +Scientists + +EMACS +Makes no +Allowances +Considering its +Stiff price + +Equine +Mammals +Are +Considerably +Smaller + +Embarrassingly +Mundane +Advertising +Cuts +Sales + +Every +Moron +Assumes +CCA is +Superior + +Exceptionally +Mediocre +Autocratic +Control +System + +EMACS +May +Alienate +Clients and +Supporters + +Excavating +Mayan +Architecture +Comes +Simpler + +Erasing +Minds +Allows +Complete +Submission + +Every +Male +Adolescent +Craves +Sex + +Elephantine +Memory +Absolutely +Considered +Sine que non + +Emacs +Makers +Are +Crazy +Sickos + +Eenie-Meenie-Miney-Mo- +Macros +Are +Completely +Slow + +Experience the +Mildest +Ad +Campaign ever +Seen + +Emacs +Makefiles +Annihilate +C- +Shells + +Eradication of +Memory +Accomplished with +Complete +Simplicity + +Emetic +Macros +Assault +Core and +Segmentation + +Epileptic +MLisp +Aggravates +Compiler +Seizures + +Eleven thousand +Monkeys +Asynchronously +Crank out these +Slogans +------- + + +From: ihnss!warren@mit-eddie (Warren Montgomery) +Newsgroups: net.emacs +Subject: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean? +Date: Tue, 10-Sep-85 09:14:24 EDT +Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Naperville, IL +Apparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep + +Someone at a luncheon suggested it meant: + +Evenings, +Mornings, +And a +Couple of +Saturdays + +(In reference to the odd hours that went into the creation of my +implementation). + +-- + + Warren Montgomery + ihnss!warren + IH ((312)-979) x2494 + +Date: Wed, 18 Sep 85 10:11:04 edt +From: inmet!tower@inmet.inmet (Leonard H. Tower Jr.) <inmet!tower@cca-unix> +Subject: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean? +To: tower@MIT-PREP.ARPA + +Received: by inmet.uucp (4.12/inmet) id AA02199; Wed, 18 Sep 85 09:10:17 edt +Date: Wed, 18 Sep 85 09:10:17 edt +Message-Id: <8509181310.AA02199@inmet.uucp> +Uucp-Paths: {bellcore,ima,ihnp4}!inmet!tower +Arpa-Path: ima!inmet!tower@CCA-UNIX.ARPA +Organization: Intermetrics, Inc., Cambridge, MA, USA +Home: 36 Porter Street, Somerville, MA 02143, USA +1 (617) 623-7739 +/* Written 6:48 pm Sep 14, 1985 by gml@ssc-vax in inmet:net.emacs */ +/* ---------- "Re: EMACS -- What does it mean?" ---------- */ +Pleeeeeeeze!!! Nice try on the meaning of EMACS. I believe the +correct acronym is: + +Emacs +Makes +All +Computing +Simple + +Thank you, and Good Night +/* End of text from inmet:net.emacs */ + +From: ho95e!wcs@mit-eddie (Bill.Stewart.4K435.x0705) +Newsgroups: net.emacs +Subject: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean? +Date: Thu, 26-Sep-85 21:43:54 EDT +Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel NJ +Apparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep + +> > very interesting, but what does GNU stand for ? +> GNU = Gnu's Not UNIX. There is also MINCE, for Mince Is Not a Complete Emacs. +> More recursive acronyms, anyone? +Many people have also seen FINE Is Not Emacs, but the one that has +character is THief Isn't Even Fine. +-- +## Bill Stewart, AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel NJ 1-201-949-0705 ihnp4!ho95c!wcs + +Path: mit-eddie!think!harvard!bbnccv!bbncca!linus!decvax!mcnc!ncsu!uvacs!edison!ta2 +From: edison!ta2@mit-eddie (tom allebrandi) +Newsgroups: net.emacs +Subject: Re: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean? +Date: Sun, 29-Sep-85 18:11:55 EDT +Organization: General Electric's Mountain Resort +Apparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep + +> GNU = Gnu's Not UNIX. There is also MINCE, for Mince Is Not a Complete Emacs. +> +> More recursive acronyms, anyone? +> + +For the DEC-system-10/20: FINE - Fine Is Not Emacs..... + +-- +............... +tom allebrandi 2, general electric aco, charlottesville, va +{decvax,duke}!mcnc!ncsu!uvacs!edison!ta2 +box 8106, charlottesville, va, 22906 +(804) 978-5566 +............... + +Date: Wed, 16 Oct 85 01:38:12 edt +From: inmet!tower (Leonard H. Tower Jr.) <inmet!tower@cca-unix> +Subject: more names +To: tower@MIT-PREP.ARPA + +Received: by inmet.uucp (4.12/inmet) id AA12997; Tue, 15 Oct 85 22:31:39 edt +Date: Tue, 15 Oct 85 22:31:39 edt +Message-Id: <8510160231.AA12997@inmet.uucp> +Uucp-Paths: {bellcore,ima,ihnp4}!inmet!tower +Arpa-Path: ima!inmet!tower@CCA-UNIX.ARPA +Organization: Intermetrics, Inc., Cambridge, MA, USA +Home: 36 Porter Street, Somerville, MA 02143, USA +1 (617) 623-7739 +/* Written 12:20 pm Oct 14, 1985 by rs@mirror.UUCP in inmet:net.emacs */ + + +SINE: Sine Is Not Emacs + (MIT Architecture Machine Group) + +EINE: Eine is Not Emacs + (MIT Lisp Machine) + +ZWEI: Zwei Was Eine Initially + ("rev2" of EINE) + +-- +Rich $alz {mit-eddie, ihnp4!inmet, wjh12, cca, datacube} !mirror!rs +Mirror Systems 2067 Massachusetts Ave. +617-661-0777 Cambridge, MA, 02140 +/* End of text from inmet:net.emacs */ + +Path: mit-eddie!genrad!panda!talcott!harvard!seismo!gatech!ulysses!pajb +From: ulysses!pajb@mit-eddie (Paul Bennett) +Newsgroups: net.emacs +Subject: Here we go again ... +Date: Sat, 19-Oct-85 17:26:49 EDT +Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories, Murray Hill +Apparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep + + +> EINE: Eine is Not Emacs +> (MIT Lisp Machine) +> +> ZWEI: Zwei Was Eine Initially +> ("rev2" of EINE) + +DREI: DREI - Really Emacs Inside + (Exists only in my head) + +From: friedman@gnu.ai.mit.edu (Noah Friedman) +Sender: friedman@gnu.ai.mit.edu +To: jimb@gnu.ai.mit.edu, rms@gnu.ai.mit.edu +Subject: etc/emacs.names +Date: Fri, 9 Oct 92 00:54:57 edt + +The following should be added: + + +Emacs +Makes +A +Computer +Slow + +From: S_TITZ@iravcl.ira.uka.de (Olaf Titz) +Newsgroups: alt.religion.emacs +Subject: Re: what emacs stands for +Date: 12 Oct 92 19:29:32 GMT + +Emacs Masquerades As Comfortable Shell +Ever Made A Control-key Setup? +Emacs: My Alternative Computer Story +Emacs Made Almost Completely Screwed + (by extensive use of M-x global-unset-key) +Emacs Macht Alle Computer Schoen + (deutsch) (=Emacs makes all computers beautiful) +Each Mail A Continued Surprise +Every Mode Acknowledges Customized Strokes + (keystrokes, of course :-) +Eating Memory And Cycle-Sucking +Everyday Material Almost Compiled Successfully + +now enough bashing for today :-) + + +From: elvis@gnu.ai.mit.edu +To: emacs-19-bugs@gnu.ai.mit.edu +Subject: missing from etc/emacs.names +Date: Thu, 20 May 93 02:21:27 edt + + +Elvis +Masterminds +All +Computer +Software + +Just so you boys know the score. + +Thank you very Much, +The King