Mercurial > emacs
annotate etc/JOKES @ 74994:3f5116deed29
allout problems may be resolved by installation of Manheimer's latest patch.
author | Richard M. Stallman <rms@gnu.org> |
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date | Sat, 30 Dec 2006 21:00:03 +0000 |
parents | 23a1cea22d13 |
children | 02e2382f5e8a |
rev | line source |
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25853 | 1 From: Don Chiasson <G.CHIASSON@DREA-XX.ARPA> |
2 Subject: Some gnu jokes | |
3 To: jokes@DREA-XX.ARPA, gergely@DREA-XX.ARPA, broome@DREA-XX.ARPA | |
4 cc: G.CHIASSON@DREA-XX.ARPA | |
5 Message-ID: <12329394624.13.G.CHIASSON@DREA-XX.ARPA> | |
6 | |
7 Richard M. Stallman (RMS, widely known for creating EMACS) is writing | |
8 a UNIX clone called GNU (which means Gnu's Not Unix--a recursive acronym). | |
9 This seems to open the way to a whole gnu class of jokes. For example: | |
10 | |
11 Q: What do you call a person who hacks while wearing no clothes? | |
12 A: A gnudist. | |
13 | |
14 Q: What do you call an eligible young hacker? | |
15 A: Gnubile. | |
16 | |
17 Q: What is a hacker's favorite candy? | |
18 A: Gnugat. (Though it contains little gnutrition.) | |
19 | |
20 Q: What do you call a computer filled with air? | |
21 A: Gnumatic. | |
22 | |
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23 Q: What do you call a novice hacker who keeps pestering you |
25853 | 24 with foolish questions? |
25 A: A gnuisance. | |
26 | |
27 Q: What do you call a subtle, clever hack in the favorite language? | |
28 A: A gnuanCe. | |
29 | |
30 Q: What do you use a supercomputer for? | |
31 A: Gnumerical analysis. | |
32 | |
33 Q: What do you call a hacker who collects coins? | |
34 A: A gnumismatist. | |
35 | |
36 Well, there are more, just too gnumerous to tell all at once. I think | |
37 I'd better go before someone starts firing gnuclear weapons at me. | |
38 Don | |
39 | |
40 From: patl@athena.mit.edu (Patrick J. LoPresti) | |
41 Message-ID: <1991Jul11.031731.9260@athena.mit.edu> | |
42 Sender: news@athena.mit.edu (News system) | |
43 Subject: The True Path (long) | |
44 Date: 11 Jul 91 03:17:31 GMT | |
45 Path: ai-lab!mintaka!olivea!samsung!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!think.com!snorkelwacker.mit.edu!bloom-picayune.mit.edu!athena.mit.edu!patl | |
46 Newsgroups: alt.religion.emacs,alt.slack | |
47 Organization: Massachusetts Institute of Technology | |
48 Lines: 95 | |
49 Xref: ai-lab alt.religion.emacs:244 alt.slack:1935 | |
50 | |
51 When I log into my Xenix system with my 110 baud teletype, both vi | |
52 *and* Emacs are just too damn slow. They print useless messages like, | |
53 'C-h for help' and '"foo" File is read only'. So I use the editor | |
54 that doesn't waste my VALUABLE time. | |
55 | |
56 Ed, man! !man ed | |
57 | |
58 ED(1) UNIX Programmer's Manual ED(1) | |
59 | |
60 NAME | |
61 ed - text editor | |
62 | |
63 SYNOPSIS | |
64 ed [ - ] [ -x ] [ name ] | |
65 DESCRIPTION | |
66 Ed is the standard text editor. | |
67 --- | |
68 | |
69 Computer Scientists love ed, not just because it comes first | |
70 alphabetically, but because it's the standard. Everyone else loves ed | |
71 because it's ED! | |
72 | |
73 "Ed is the standard text editor." | |
74 | |
75 And ed doesn't waste space on my Timex Sinclair. Just look: | |
76 | |
77 -rwxr-xr-x 1 root 24 Oct 29 1929 /bin/ed | |
78 -rwxr-xr-t 4 root 1310720 Jan 1 1970 /usr/ucb/vi | |
79 -rwxr-xr-x 1 root 5.89824e37 Oct 22 1990 /usr/bin/emacs | |
80 | |
81 Of course, on the system *I* administrate, vi is symlinked to ed. | |
82 Emacs has been replaced by a shell script which 1) Generates a syslog | |
83 message at level LOG_EMERG; 2) reduces the user's disk quota by 100K; | |
84 and 3) RUNS ED!!!!!! | |
85 | |
86 "Ed is the standard text editor." | |
87 | |
88 Let's look at a typical novice's session with the mighty ed: | |
89 | |
90 golem> ed | |
91 | |
92 ? | |
93 help | |
94 ? | |
95 ? | |
96 ? | |
97 quit | |
98 ? | |
99 exit | |
100 ? | |
101 bye | |
102 ? | |
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103 hello? |
25853 | 104 ? |
105 eat flaming death | |
106 ? | |
107 ^C | |
108 ? | |
109 ^C | |
110 ? | |
111 ^D | |
112 ? | |
113 | |
114 --- | |
115 Note the consistent user interface and error reportage. Ed is | |
116 generous enough to flag errors, yet prudent enough not to overwhelm | |
117 the novice with verbosity. | |
118 | |
119 "Ed is the standard text editor." | |
120 | |
121 Ed, the greatest WYGIWYG editor of all. | |
122 | |
123 ED IS THE TRUE PATH TO NIRVANA! ED HAS BEEN THE CHOICE OF EDUCATED | |
124 AND IGNORANT ALIKE FOR CENTURIES! ED WILL NOT CORRUPT YOUR PRECIOUS | |
125 BODILY FLUIDS!! ED IS THE STANDARD TEXT EDITOR! ED MAKES THE SUN | |
126 SHINE AND THE BIRDS SING AND THE GRASS GREEN!! | |
127 | |
128 When I use an editor, I don't want eight extra KILOBYTES of worthless | |
129 help screens and cursor positioning code! I just want an EDitor!! | |
130 Not a "viitor". Not a "emacsitor". Those aren't even WORDS!!!! ED! | |
131 ED! ED IS THE STANDARD!!! | |
132 | |
133 TEXT EDITOR. | |
134 | |
135 When IBM, in its ever-present omnipotence, needed to base their | |
136 "edlin" on a UNIX standard, did they mimic vi? No. Emacs? Surely | |
137 you jest. They chose the most karmic editor of all. The standard. | |
138 | |
139 Ed is for those who can *remember* what they are working on. If you | |
140 are an idiot, you should use Emacs. If you are an Emacs, you should | |
141 not be vi. If you use ED, you are on THE PATH TO REDEMPTION. THE | |
142 SO-CALLED "VISUAL" EDITORS HAVE BEEN PLACED HERE BY ED TO TEMPT THE | |
143 FAITHLESS. DO NOT GIVE IN!!! THE MIGHTY ED HAS SPOKEN!!! | |
144 | |
145 ? | |
146 | |
147 From: The Unknown User <anonymous@nowhere.uucp> | |
148 Subject: EMACS -- What does it mean? | |
149 To: mit-prep!info-gnu-emacs@TOPAZ.RUTGERS.EDU | |
150 | |
151 EMACS belongs in <sys/errno.h>: Editor too big! | |
152 | |
153 | |
154 Escape-Meta-Alt-Control-Shift | |
155 | |
156 | |
157 From: harvard!topaz!BLUE!BRAIL@mit-eddie | |
158 Date: 9 Sep 85 17:25:27 EDT | |
159 Subject: EMACS -- What does it mean? | |
160 To: mit-prep!info-gnu-emacs@TOPAZ.RUTGERS.EDU | |
161 | |
162 EMACS may stand for "Editing MACroS," but some friends of mine | |
163 suggested some more creative definitions. Here they are. Anyone have | |
164 any additions? | |
165 | |
166 -------- | |
167 Eight | |
168 Megabytes | |
169 And | |
170 Constantly | |
171 Swapping | |
172 | |
173 Even a | |
174 Master of | |
175 Arts | |
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176 Comes |
25853 | 177 Simpler |
178 | |
179 Emacs | |
180 Manuals | |
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181 Are |
25853 | 182 Cryptic and |
183 Surreal | |
184 | |
185 Energetic | |
186 Merchants | |
187 Always | |
188 Cultivate | |
189 Sales | |
190 | |
191 Each | |
192 Manual's | |
193 Audience is | |
194 Completely | |
195 Stupified | |
196 | |
197 Emacs | |
198 Means | |
199 A | |
200 Crappy | |
201 Screen | |
202 | |
203 Eventually | |
204 Munches | |
205 All | |
206 Computer | |
207 Storage | |
208 | |
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209 Even |
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210 My |
25853 | 211 Aunt |
212 Crashes the | |
213 System | |
214 | |
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215 Eradication of |
25853 | 216 Memory |
217 Accomplished with | |
218 Complete | |
219 Simplicity | |
220 | |
221 Elsewhere | |
222 Maybe | |
223 Alternative | |
224 Civilizations | |
225 Survive | |
226 | |
227 Egregious | |
228 Managers | |
229 Actively | |
230 Court | |
231 Stallman | |
232 | |
233 Esoteric | |
234 Malleability | |
235 Always | |
236 Considered | |
237 Silly | |
238 | |
239 Emacs | |
240 Manuals | |
241 Always | |
242 Cause | |
243 Senility | |
244 | |
245 Easily | |
246 Maintained with the | |
247 Assistance of | |
248 Chemical | |
249 Solutions | |
250 | |
251 EMACS | |
252 MACRO | |
253 ACTED | |
254 CREDO | |
255 SODOM | |
256 | |
257 Edwardian | |
258 Manifestation of | |
259 All | |
260 Colonial | |
261 Sins | |
262 | |
263 Generally | |
264 Not | |
265 Used | |
266 | |
267 Except by | |
268 Middle | |
269 Aged | |
270 Computer | |
271 Scientists | |
272 | |
273 Extended | |
274 Macros | |
275 Are | |
276 Considered | |
277 Superfluous | |
278 | |
279 Every | |
280 Mode | |
281 Accelerates | |
282 Creation of | |
283 Software | |
284 | |
285 Elsewhere | |
286 Maybe | |
287 All | |
288 Commands are | |
289 Simple | |
290 | |
291 Emacs | |
292 May | |
293 Allow | |
46988 | 294 Customized |
25853 | 295 Screwups |
296 | |
297 Excellent | |
298 Manuals | |
299 Are | |
300 Clearly | |
301 Suppressed | |
302 | |
303 Emetic | |
304 Macros | |
305 Assault | |
306 Core and | |
307 Segmentation | |
308 | |
309 Embarrassed | |
310 Manual-Writer | |
311 Accused of | |
312 Communist | |
313 Subversion | |
314 | |
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315 Extensibility and |
25853 | 316 Modifiability |
317 Aggravate | |
318 Confirmed | |
319 Simpletons | |
320 | |
321 Emacs | |
322 May | |
323 Annihilate | |
324 Command | |
325 Structures | |
326 | |
327 Easily | |
328 Mangles, | |
329 Aborts, | |
330 Crashes and | |
331 Stupifies | |
332 | |
333 Extraneous | |
334 Macros | |
335 And | |
336 Commands | |
337 Stink | |
338 | |
339 Exceptionally | |
340 Mediocre | |
341 Algorithm for | |
342 Computer | |
343 Scientists | |
344 | |
345 EMACS | |
346 Makes no | |
347 Allowances | |
348 Considering its | |
349 Stiff price | |
350 | |
351 Equine | |
352 Mammals | |
353 Are | |
354 Considerably | |
355 Smaller | |
356 | |
357 Embarrassingly | |
358 Mundane | |
359 Advertising | |
360 Cuts | |
361 Sales | |
362 | |
363 Every | |
364 Moron | |
365 Assumes | |
366 CCA is | |
367 Superior | |
368 | |
369 Exceptionally | |
370 Mediocre | |
371 Autocratic | |
372 Control | |
373 System | |
374 | |
375 EMACS | |
376 May | |
377 Alienate | |
378 Clients and | |
379 Supporters | |
380 | |
381 Excavating | |
382 Mayan | |
383 Architecture | |
384 Comes | |
385 Simpler | |
386 | |
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387 Erasing |
25853 | 388 Minds |
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389 Allows |
25853 | 390 Complete |
391 Submission | |
392 | |
393 Every | |
394 Male | |
395 Adolescent | |
396 Craves | |
397 Sex | |
398 | |
399 Elephantine | |
400 Memory | |
401 Absolutely | |
402 Considered | |
403 Sine que non | |
404 | |
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405 Emacs |
25853 | 406 Makers |
407 Are | |
408 Crazy | |
409 Sickos | |
410 | |
411 Eenie-Meenie-Miney-Mo- | |
412 Macros | |
413 Are | |
414 Completely | |
415 Slow | |
416 | |
417 Experience the | |
418 Mildest | |
419 Ad | |
420 Campaign ever | |
421 Seen | |
422 | |
423 Emacs | |
424 Makefiles | |
425 Annihilate | |
426 C- | |
427 Shells | |
428 | |
429 Eradication of | |
430 Memory | |
431 Accomplished with | |
432 Complete | |
433 Simplicity | |
434 | |
435 Emetic | |
436 Macros | |
437 Assault | |
438 Core and | |
439 Segmentation | |
440 | |
441 Epileptic | |
442 MLisp | |
443 Aggravates | |
444 Compiler | |
445 Seizures | |
446 | |
447 Eleven thousand | |
448 Monkeys | |
449 Asynchronously | |
450 Crank out these | |
451 Slogans | |
452 ------- | |
453 | |
454 | |
455 From: ihnss!warren@mit-eddie (Warren Montgomery) | |
456 Newsgroups: net.emacs | |
457 Subject: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean? | |
458 Date: Tue, 10-Sep-85 09:14:24 EDT | |
459 Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Naperville, IL | |
460 Apparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep | |
461 | |
462 Someone at a luncheon suggested it meant: | |
463 | |
464 Evenings, | |
465 Mornings, | |
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466 And a |
25853 | 467 Couple of |
468 Saturdays | |
469 | |
470 (In reference to the odd hours that went into the creation of my | |
471 implementation). | |
472 | |
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473 -- |
25853 | 474 |
475 Warren Montgomery | |
476 ihnss!warren | |
477 IH ((312)-979) x2494 | |
478 | |
479 Date: Wed, 18 Sep 85 10:11:04 edt | |
480 From: inmet!tower@inmet.inmet (Leonard H. Tower Jr.) <inmet!tower@cca-unix> | |
481 Subject: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean? | |
482 To: tower@MIT-PREP.ARPA | |
483 | |
484 Received: by inmet.uucp (4.12/inmet) id AA02199; Wed, 18 Sep 85 09:10:17 edt | |
485 Date: Wed, 18 Sep 85 09:10:17 edt | |
486 Message-Id: <8509181310.AA02199@inmet.uucp> | |
487 Uucp-Paths: {bellcore,ima,ihnp4}!inmet!tower | |
488 Arpa-Path: ima!inmet!tower@CCA-UNIX.ARPA | |
489 Organization: Intermetrics, Inc., Cambridge, MA, USA | |
490 Home: 36 Porter Street, Somerville, MA 02143, USA +1 (617) 623-7739 | |
491 /* Written 6:48 pm Sep 14, 1985 by gml@ssc-vax in inmet:net.emacs */ | |
492 /* ---------- "Re: EMACS -- What does it mean?" ---------- */ | |
493 Pleeeeeeeze!!! Nice try on the meaning of EMACS. I believe the | |
494 correct acronym is: | |
495 | |
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496 Emacs |
25853 | 497 Makes |
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498 All |
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499 Computing |
25853 | 500 Simple |
501 | |
502 Thank you, and Good Night | |
503 /* End of text from inmet:net.emacs */ | |
504 | |
505 From: ho95e!wcs@mit-eddie (Bill.Stewart.4K435.x0705) | |
506 Newsgroups: net.emacs | |
507 Subject: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean? | |
508 Date: Thu, 26-Sep-85 21:43:54 EDT | |
509 Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel NJ | |
510 Apparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep | |
511 | |
512 > > very interesting, but what does GNU stand for ? | |
513 > GNU = Gnu's Not UNIX. There is also MINCE, for Mince Is Not a Complete Emacs. | |
514 > More recursive acronyms, anyone? | |
515 Many people have also seen FINE Is Not Emacs, but the one that has | |
516 character is THief Isn't Even Fine. | |
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517 -- |
25853 | 518 ## Bill Stewart, AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel NJ 1-201-949-0705 ihnp4!ho95c!wcs |
519 | |
520 Path: mit-eddie!think!harvard!bbnccv!bbncca!linus!decvax!mcnc!ncsu!uvacs!edison!ta2 | |
521 From: edison!ta2@mit-eddie (tom allebrandi) | |
522 Newsgroups: net.emacs | |
523 Subject: Re: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean? | |
524 Date: Sun, 29-Sep-85 18:11:55 EDT | |
525 Organization: General Electric's Mountain Resort | |
526 Apparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep | |
527 | |
528 > GNU = Gnu's Not UNIX. There is also MINCE, for Mince Is Not a Complete Emacs. | |
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529 > |
25853 | 530 > More recursive acronyms, anyone? |
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531 > |
25853 | 532 |
533 For the DEC-system-10/20: FINE - Fine Is Not Emacs..... | |
534 | |
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535 -- |
25853 | 536 ............... |
537 tom allebrandi 2, general electric aco, charlottesville, va | |
538 {decvax,duke}!mcnc!ncsu!uvacs!edison!ta2 | |
539 box 8106, charlottesville, va, 22906 | |
540 (804) 978-5566 | |
541 ............... | |
542 | |
543 Date: Wed, 16 Oct 85 01:38:12 edt | |
544 From: inmet!tower (Leonard H. Tower Jr.) <inmet!tower@cca-unix> | |
545 Subject: more names | |
546 To: tower@MIT-PREP.ARPA | |
547 | |
548 Received: by inmet.uucp (4.12/inmet) id AA12997; Tue, 15 Oct 85 22:31:39 edt | |
549 Date: Tue, 15 Oct 85 22:31:39 edt | |
550 Message-Id: <8510160231.AA12997@inmet.uucp> | |
551 Uucp-Paths: {bellcore,ima,ihnp4}!inmet!tower | |
552 Arpa-Path: ima!inmet!tower@CCA-UNIX.ARPA | |
553 Organization: Intermetrics, Inc., Cambridge, MA, USA | |
554 Home: 36 Porter Street, Somerville, MA 02143, USA +1 (617) 623-7739 | |
555 /* Written 12:20 pm Oct 14, 1985 by rs@mirror.UUCP in inmet:net.emacs */ | |
556 | |
557 | |
558 SINE: Sine Is Not Emacs | |
559 (MIT Architecture Machine Group) | |
560 | |
561 EINE: Eine is Not Emacs | |
562 (MIT Lisp Machine) | |
563 | |
564 ZWEI: Zwei Was Eine Initially | |
565 ("rev2" of EINE) | |
566 | |
567 -- | |
568 Rich $alz {mit-eddie, ihnp4!inmet, wjh12, cca, datacube} !mirror!rs | |
569 Mirror Systems 2067 Massachusetts Ave. | |
570 617-661-0777 Cambridge, MA, 02140 | |
571 /* End of text from inmet:net.emacs */ | |
572 | |
573 Path: mit-eddie!genrad!panda!talcott!harvard!seismo!gatech!ulysses!pajb | |
574 From: ulysses!pajb@mit-eddie (Paul Bennett) | |
575 Newsgroups: net.emacs | |
576 Subject: Here we go again ... | |
577 Date: Sat, 19-Oct-85 17:26:49 EDT | |
578 Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories, Murray Hill | |
579 Apparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep | |
580 | |
581 | |
582 > EINE: Eine is Not Emacs | |
583 > (MIT Lisp Machine) | |
584 > | |
585 > ZWEI: Zwei Was Eine Initially | |
586 > ("rev2" of EINE) | |
587 | |
588 DREI: DREI - Really Emacs Inside | |
589 (Exists only in my head) | |
590 | |
591 From: friedman@gnu.ai.mit.edu (Noah Friedman) | |
592 Sender: friedman@gnu.ai.mit.edu | |
593 To: jimb@gnu.ai.mit.edu, rms@gnu.ai.mit.edu | |
594 Subject: etc/emacs.names | |
595 Date: Fri, 9 Oct 92 00:54:57 edt | |
596 | |
597 The following should be added: | |
598 | |
599 | |
600 Emacs | |
601 Makes | |
602 A | |
603 Computer | |
604 Slow | |
605 | |
606 From: S_TITZ@iravcl.ira.uka.de (Olaf Titz) | |
607 Newsgroups: alt.religion.emacs | |
608 Subject: Re: what emacs stands for | |
609 Date: 12 Oct 92 19:29:32 GMT | |
610 | |
611 Emacs Masquerades As Comfortable Shell | |
612 Ever Made A Control-key Setup? | |
613 Emacs: My Alternative Computer Story | |
614 Emacs Made Almost Completely Screwed | |
615 (by extensive use of M-x global-unset-key) | |
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616 Emacs Macht Alle Computer Schoen |
25853 | 617 (deutsch) (=Emacs makes all computers beautiful) |
618 Each Mail A Continued Surprise | |
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619 Every Mode Acknowledges Customized Strokes |
25853 | 620 (keystrokes, of course :-) |
621 Eating Memory And Cycle-Sucking | |
622 Everyday Material Almost Compiled Successfully | |
623 | |
624 now enough bashing for today :-) | |
625 | |
626 | |
627 From: elvis@gnu.ai.mit.edu | |
628 To: emacs-19-bugs@gnu.ai.mit.edu | |
629 Subject: missing from etc/emacs.names | |
630 Date: Thu, 20 May 93 02:21:27 edt | |
631 | |
632 | |
633 Elvis | |
634 Masterminds | |
635 All | |
636 Computer | |
637 Software | |
638 | |
639 Just so you boys know the score. | |
640 | |
641 Thank you very Much, | |
642 The King |