25853
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1 From: Don Chiasson <G.CHIASSON@DREA-XX.ARPA>
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2 Subject: Some gnu jokes
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3 To: jokes@DREA-XX.ARPA, gergely@DREA-XX.ARPA, broome@DREA-XX.ARPA
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4 cc: G.CHIASSON@DREA-XX.ARPA
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5 Message-ID: <12329394624.13.G.CHIASSON@DREA-XX.ARPA>
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6
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7 Richard M. Stallman (RMS, widely known for creating EMACS) is writing
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8 a UNIX clone called GNU (which means Gnu's Not Unix--a recursive acronym).
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9 This seems to open the way to a whole gnu class of jokes. For example:
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10
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11 Q: What do you call a person who hacks while wearing no clothes?
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12 A: A gnudist.
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13
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14 Q: What do you call an eligible young hacker?
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15 A: Gnubile.
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16
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17 Q: What is a hacker's favorite candy?
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18 A: Gnugat. (Though it contains little gnutrition.)
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19
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20 Q: What do you call a computer filled with air?
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21 A: Gnumatic.
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22
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23 Q: What do you call a novice hacker who keeps pestering you
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24 with foolish questions?
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25 A: A gnuisance.
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26
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27 Q: What do you call a subtle, clever hack in the favorite language?
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28 A: A gnuanCe.
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29
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30 Q: What do you use a supercomputer for?
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31 A: Gnumerical analysis.
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32
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33 Q: What do you call a hacker who collects coins?
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34 A: A gnumismatist.
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35
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36 Well, there are more, just too gnumerous to tell all at once. I think
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37 I'd better go before someone starts firing gnuclear weapons at me.
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38 Don
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39
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40 From: patl@athena.mit.edu (Patrick J. LoPresti)
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41 Message-ID: <1991Jul11.031731.9260@athena.mit.edu>
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42 Sender: news@athena.mit.edu (News system)
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43 Subject: The True Path (long)
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44 Date: 11 Jul 91 03:17:31 GMT
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45 Path: ai-lab!mintaka!olivea!samsung!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!think.com!snorkelwacker.mit.edu!bloom-picayune.mit.edu!athena.mit.edu!patl
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46 Newsgroups: alt.religion.emacs,alt.slack
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47 Organization: Massachusetts Institute of Technology
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48 Lines: 95
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49 Xref: ai-lab alt.religion.emacs:244 alt.slack:1935
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50
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51 When I log into my Xenix system with my 110 baud teletype, both vi
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52 *and* Emacs are just too damn slow. They print useless messages like,
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53 'C-h for help' and '"foo" File is read only'. So I use the editor
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54 that doesn't waste my VALUABLE time.
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55
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56 Ed, man! !man ed
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57
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58 ED(1) UNIX Programmer's Manual ED(1)
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59
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60 NAME
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61 ed - text editor
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62
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63 SYNOPSIS
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64 ed [ - ] [ -x ] [ name ]
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65 DESCRIPTION
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66 Ed is the standard text editor.
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67 ---
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68
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69 Computer Scientists love ed, not just because it comes first
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70 alphabetically, but because it's the standard. Everyone else loves ed
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71 because it's ED!
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72
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73 "Ed is the standard text editor."
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74
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75 And ed doesn't waste space on my Timex Sinclair. Just look:
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76
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77 -rwxr-xr-x 1 root 24 Oct 29 1929 /bin/ed
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78 -rwxr-xr-t 4 root 1310720 Jan 1 1970 /usr/ucb/vi
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79 -rwxr-xr-x 1 root 5.89824e37 Oct 22 1990 /usr/bin/emacs
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80
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81 Of course, on the system *I* administrate, vi is symlinked to ed.
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82 Emacs has been replaced by a shell script which 1) Generates a syslog
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83 message at level LOG_EMERG; 2) reduces the user's disk quota by 100K;
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84 and 3) RUNS ED!!!!!!
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85
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86 "Ed is the standard text editor."
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87
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88 Let's look at a typical novice's session with the mighty ed:
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89
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90 golem> ed
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91
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92 ?
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93 help
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94 ?
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95 ?
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96 ?
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97 quit
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98 ?
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99 exit
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100 ?
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101 bye
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102 ?
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103 hello?
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104 ?
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105 eat flaming death
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106 ?
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107 ^C
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108 ?
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109 ^C
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110 ?
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111 ^D
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112 ?
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113
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114 ---
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115 Note the consistent user interface and error reportage. Ed is
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116 generous enough to flag errors, yet prudent enough not to overwhelm
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117 the novice with verbosity.
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118
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119 "Ed is the standard text editor."
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120
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121 Ed, the greatest WYGIWYG editor of all.
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122
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123 ED IS THE TRUE PATH TO NIRVANA! ED HAS BEEN THE CHOICE OF EDUCATED
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124 AND IGNORANT ALIKE FOR CENTURIES! ED WILL NOT CORRUPT YOUR PRECIOUS
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125 BODILY FLUIDS!! ED IS THE STANDARD TEXT EDITOR! ED MAKES THE SUN
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126 SHINE AND THE BIRDS SING AND THE GRASS GREEN!!
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127
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128 When I use an editor, I don't want eight extra KILOBYTES of worthless
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129 help screens and cursor positioning code! I just want an EDitor!!
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130 Not a "viitor". Not a "emacsitor". Those aren't even WORDS!!!! ED!
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131 ED! ED IS THE STANDARD!!!
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132
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133 TEXT EDITOR.
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134
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135 When IBM, in its ever-present omnipotence, needed to base their
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136 "edlin" on a UNIX standard, did they mimic vi? No. Emacs? Surely
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137 you jest. They chose the most karmic editor of all. The standard.
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138
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139 Ed is for those who can *remember* what they are working on. If you
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140 are an idiot, you should use Emacs. If you are an Emacs, you should
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141 not be vi. If you use ED, you are on THE PATH TO REDEMPTION. THE
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142 SO-CALLED "VISUAL" EDITORS HAVE BEEN PLACED HERE BY ED TO TEMPT THE
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143 FAITHLESS. DO NOT GIVE IN!!! THE MIGHTY ED HAS SPOKEN!!!
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144
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145 ?
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146
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147 From: The Unknown User <anonymous@nowhere.uucp>
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148 Subject: EMACS -- What does it mean?
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149 To: mit-prep!info-gnu-emacs@TOPAZ.RUTGERS.EDU
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150
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151 EMACS belongs in <sys/errno.h>: Editor too big!
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152
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153
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154 Escape-Meta-Alt-Control-Shift
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155
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156
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157 From: harvard!topaz!BLUE!BRAIL@mit-eddie
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158 Date: 9 Sep 85 17:25:27 EDT
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159 Subject: EMACS -- What does it mean?
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160 To: mit-prep!info-gnu-emacs@TOPAZ.RUTGERS.EDU
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161
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162 EMACS may stand for "Editing MACroS," but some friends of mine
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163 suggested some more creative definitions. Here they are. Anyone have
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164 any additions?
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165
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166 --------
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167 Eight
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168 Megabytes
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169 And
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170 Constantly
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171 Swapping
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172
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173 Even a
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174 Master of
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175 Arts
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176 Comes
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177 Simpler
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178
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179 Emacs
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180 Manuals
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181 Are
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182 Cryptic and
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183 Surreal
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184
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185 Energetic
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186 Merchants
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187 Always
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188 Cultivate
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189 Sales
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190
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191 Each
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192 Manual's
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193 Audience is
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194 Completely
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195 Stupified
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196
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197 Emacs
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198 Means
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199 A
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200 Crappy
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201 Screen
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202
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203 Eventually
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204 Munches
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205 All
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206 Computer
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207 Storage
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208
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209 Even
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210 My
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211 Aunt
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212 Crashes the
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213 System
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214
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215 Eradication of
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216 Memory
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217 Accomplished with
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218 Complete
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219 Simplicity
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220
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221 Elsewhere
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222 Maybe
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223 Alternative
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224 Civilizations
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225 Survive
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226
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227 Egregious
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228 Managers
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229 Actively
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230 Court
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231 Stallman
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232
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233 Esoteric
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234 Malleability
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235 Always
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236 Considered
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237 Silly
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238
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239 Emacs
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240 Manuals
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241 Always
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242 Cause
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243 Senility
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244
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245 Easily
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246 Maintained with the
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247 Assistance of
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248 Chemical
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249 Solutions
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250
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251 EMACS
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252 MACRO
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253 ACTED
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254 CREDO
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255 SODOM
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256
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257 Edwardian
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258 Manifestation of
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259 All
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260 Colonial
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261 Sins
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262
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263 Generally
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264 Not
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265 Used
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266
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267 Except by
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268 Middle
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269 Aged
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270 Computer
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271 Scientists
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272
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273 Extended
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274 Macros
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275 Are
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276 Considered
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277 Superfluous
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278
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279 Every
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280 Mode
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281 Accelerates
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282 Creation of
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283 Software
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284
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285 Elsewhere
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286 Maybe
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287 All
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288 Commands are
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289 Simple
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290
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291 Emacs
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292 May
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293 Allow
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294 Customized
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25853
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295 Screwups
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296
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297 Excellent
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298 Manuals
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299 Are
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300 Clearly
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301 Suppressed
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302
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303 Emetic
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304 Macros
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305 Assault
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306 Core and
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307 Segmentation
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308
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309 Embarrassed
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310 Manual-Writer
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311 Accused of
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312 Communist
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313 Subversion
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314
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315 Extensibility and
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316 Modifiability
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317 Aggravate
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318 Confirmed
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319 Simpletons
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320
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321 Emacs
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322 May
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323 Annihilate
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324 Command
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325 Structures
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326
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327 Easily
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328 Mangles,
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329 Aborts,
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330 Crashes and
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331 Stupifies
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332
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333 Extraneous
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334 Macros
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335 And
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336 Commands
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337 Stink
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338
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339 Exceptionally
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340 Mediocre
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341 Algorithm for
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342 Computer
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343 Scientists
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344
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345 EMACS
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346 Makes no
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347 Allowances
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348 Considering its
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349 Stiff price
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350
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351 Equine
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352 Mammals
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353 Are
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354 Considerably
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355 Smaller
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356
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357 Embarrassingly
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358 Mundane
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359 Advertising
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360 Cuts
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361 Sales
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362
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363 Every
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364 Moron
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365 Assumes
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366 CCA is
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367 Superior
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368
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369 Exceptionally
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370 Mediocre
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371 Autocratic
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372 Control
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373 System
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374
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375 EMACS
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376 May
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377 Alienate
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378 Clients and
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379 Supporters
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380
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381 Excavating
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382 Mayan
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383 Architecture
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384 Comes
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385 Simpler
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386
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387 Erasing
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388 Minds
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389 Allows
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390 Complete
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391 Submission
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392
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393 Every
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394 Male
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395 Adolescent
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396 Craves
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397 Sex
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398
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399 Elephantine
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400 Memory
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401 Absolutely
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402 Considered
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403 Sine que non
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404
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405 Emacs
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406 Makers
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407 Are
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408 Crazy
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409 Sickos
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410
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411 Eenie-Meenie-Miney-Mo-
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412 Macros
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413 Are
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414 Completely
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415 Slow
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416
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417 Experience the
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418 Mildest
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419 Ad
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420 Campaign ever
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421 Seen
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422
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423 Emacs
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424 Makefiles
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425 Annihilate
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426 C-
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427 Shells
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428
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429 Eradication of
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430 Memory
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431 Accomplished with
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432 Complete
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433 Simplicity
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434
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435 Emetic
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436 Macros
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437 Assault
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438 Core and
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439 Segmentation
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440
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441 Epileptic
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442 MLisp
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443 Aggravates
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444 Compiler
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445 Seizures
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446
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447 Eleven thousand
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448 Monkeys
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449 Asynchronously
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450 Crank out these
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451 Slogans
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452 -------
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453
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454
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455 From: ihnss!warren@mit-eddie (Warren Montgomery)
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456 Newsgroups: net.emacs
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457 Subject: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean?
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458 Date: Tue, 10-Sep-85 09:14:24 EDT
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459 Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Naperville, IL
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460 Apparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep
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461
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462 Someone at a luncheon suggested it meant:
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463
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464 Evenings,
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465 Mornings,
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466 And a
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467 Couple of
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468 Saturdays
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469
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470 (In reference to the odd hours that went into the creation of my
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471 implementation).
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472
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473 --
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474
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475 Warren Montgomery
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476 ihnss!warren
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477 IH ((312)-979) x2494
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478
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479 Date: Wed, 18 Sep 85 10:11:04 edt
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480 From: inmet!tower@inmet.inmet (Leonard H. Tower Jr.) <inmet!tower@cca-unix>
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481 Subject: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean?
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482 To: tower@MIT-PREP.ARPA
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483
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484 Received: by inmet.uucp (4.12/inmet) id AA02199; Wed, 18 Sep 85 09:10:17 edt
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485 Date: Wed, 18 Sep 85 09:10:17 edt
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486 Message-Id: <8509181310.AA02199@inmet.uucp>
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487 Uucp-Paths: {bellcore,ima,ihnp4}!inmet!tower
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488 Arpa-Path: ima!inmet!tower@CCA-UNIX.ARPA
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489 Organization: Intermetrics, Inc., Cambridge, MA, USA
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490 Home: 36 Porter Street, Somerville, MA 02143, USA +1 (617) 623-7739
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491 /* Written 6:48 pm Sep 14, 1985 by gml@ssc-vax in inmet:net.emacs */
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492 /* ---------- "Re: EMACS -- What does it mean?" ---------- */
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493 Pleeeeeeeze!!! Nice try on the meaning of EMACS. I believe the
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494 correct acronym is:
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495
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496 Emacs
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497 Makes
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498 All
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499 Computing
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500 Simple
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501
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502 Thank you, and Good Night
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503 /* End of text from inmet:net.emacs */
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504
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505 From: ho95e!wcs@mit-eddie (Bill.Stewart.4K435.x0705)
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506 Newsgroups: net.emacs
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507 Subject: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean?
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508 Date: Thu, 26-Sep-85 21:43:54 EDT
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509 Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel NJ
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510 Apparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep
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511
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512 > > very interesting, but what does GNU stand for ?
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513 > GNU = Gnu's Not UNIX. There is also MINCE, for Mince Is Not a Complete Emacs.
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514 > More recursive acronyms, anyone?
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515 Many people have also seen FINE Is Not Emacs, but the one that has
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516 character is THief Isn't Even Fine.
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517 --
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518 ## Bill Stewart, AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel NJ 1-201-949-0705 ihnp4!ho95c!wcs
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519
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520 Path: mit-eddie!think!harvard!bbnccv!bbncca!linus!decvax!mcnc!ncsu!uvacs!edison!ta2
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521 From: edison!ta2@mit-eddie (tom allebrandi)
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522 Newsgroups: net.emacs
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523 Subject: Re: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean?
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524 Date: Sun, 29-Sep-85 18:11:55 EDT
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525 Organization: General Electric's Mountain Resort
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526 Apparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep
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527
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528 > GNU = Gnu's Not UNIX. There is also MINCE, for Mince Is Not a Complete Emacs.
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529 >
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530 > More recursive acronyms, anyone?
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531 >
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532
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533 For the DEC-system-10/20: FINE - Fine Is Not Emacs.....
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534
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535 --
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536 ...............
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537 tom allebrandi 2, general electric aco, charlottesville, va
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538 {decvax,duke}!mcnc!ncsu!uvacs!edison!ta2
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539 box 8106, charlottesville, va, 22906
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540 (804) 978-5566
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541 ...............
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542
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543 Date: Wed, 16 Oct 85 01:38:12 edt
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544 From: inmet!tower (Leonard H. Tower Jr.) <inmet!tower@cca-unix>
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545 Subject: more names
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546 To: tower@MIT-PREP.ARPA
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547
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548 Received: by inmet.uucp (4.12/inmet) id AA12997; Tue, 15 Oct 85 22:31:39 edt
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549 Date: Tue, 15 Oct 85 22:31:39 edt
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550 Message-Id: <8510160231.AA12997@inmet.uucp>
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551 Uucp-Paths: {bellcore,ima,ihnp4}!inmet!tower
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552 Arpa-Path: ima!inmet!tower@CCA-UNIX.ARPA
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553 Organization: Intermetrics, Inc., Cambridge, MA, USA
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554 Home: 36 Porter Street, Somerville, MA 02143, USA +1 (617) 623-7739
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555 /* Written 12:20 pm Oct 14, 1985 by rs@mirror.UUCP in inmet:net.emacs */
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556
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557
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558 SINE: Sine Is Not Emacs
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559 (MIT Architecture Machine Group)
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560
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561 EINE: Eine is Not Emacs
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562 (MIT Lisp Machine)
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563
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564 ZWEI: Zwei Was Eine Initially
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565 ("rev2" of EINE)
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566
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567 --
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568 Rich $alz {mit-eddie, ihnp4!inmet, wjh12, cca, datacube} !mirror!rs
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569 Mirror Systems 2067 Massachusetts Ave.
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570 617-661-0777 Cambridge, MA, 02140
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571 /* End of text from inmet:net.emacs */
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572
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573 Path: mit-eddie!genrad!panda!talcott!harvard!seismo!gatech!ulysses!pajb
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574 From: ulysses!pajb@mit-eddie (Paul Bennett)
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575 Newsgroups: net.emacs
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576 Subject: Here we go again ...
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577 Date: Sat, 19-Oct-85 17:26:49 EDT
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578 Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories, Murray Hill
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579 Apparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep
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580
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581
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582 > EINE: Eine is Not Emacs
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583 > (MIT Lisp Machine)
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584 >
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585 > ZWEI: Zwei Was Eine Initially
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586 > ("rev2" of EINE)
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587
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588 DREI: DREI - Really Emacs Inside
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589 (Exists only in my head)
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590
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591 From: friedman@gnu.ai.mit.edu (Noah Friedman)
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592 Sender: friedman@gnu.ai.mit.edu
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593 To: jimb@gnu.ai.mit.edu, rms@gnu.ai.mit.edu
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594 Subject: etc/emacs.names
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595 Date: Fri, 9 Oct 92 00:54:57 edt
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596
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597 The following should be added:
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598
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599
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600 Emacs
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601 Makes
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602 A
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603 Computer
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604 Slow
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605
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606 From: S_TITZ@iravcl.ira.uka.de (Olaf Titz)
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607 Newsgroups: alt.religion.emacs
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608 Subject: Re: what emacs stands for
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609 Date: 12 Oct 92 19:29:32 GMT
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610
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611 Emacs Masquerades As Comfortable Shell
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612 Ever Made A Control-key Setup?
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613 Emacs: My Alternative Computer Story
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614 Emacs Made Almost Completely Screwed
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615 (by extensive use of M-x global-unset-key)
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616 Emacs Macht Alle Computer Schoen
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617 (deutsch) (=Emacs makes all computers beautiful)
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618 Each Mail A Continued Surprise
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619 Every Mode Acknowledges Customized Strokes
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620 (keystrokes, of course :-)
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621 Eating Memory And Cycle-Sucking
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622 Everyday Material Almost Compiled Successfully
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623
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624 now enough bashing for today :-)
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625
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626
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627 From: elvis@gnu.ai.mit.edu
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628 To: emacs-19-bugs@gnu.ai.mit.edu
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629 Subject: missing from etc/emacs.names
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630 Date: Thu, 20 May 93 02:21:27 edt
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631
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632
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633 Elvis
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634 Masterminds
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635 All
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636 Computer
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637 Software
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638
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639 Just so you boys know the score.
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640
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641 Thank you very Much,
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642 The King
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