Mercurial > emacs
annotate etc/JOKES @ 92998:98176f05203c
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author | Kenichi Handa <handa@m17n.org> |
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date | Sun, 16 Mar 2008 01:53:42 +0000 |
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1 The Free Software Foundation claims no copyright on this file, |
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2 compiled largely from postings to public newsgroups and mailing lists, |
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3 and the GNU project email archives. |
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4 |
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5 |
25853 | 6 From: Don Chiasson <G.CHIASSON@DREA-XX.ARPA> |
7 Subject: Some gnu jokes | |
8 To: jokes@DREA-XX.ARPA, gergely@DREA-XX.ARPA, broome@DREA-XX.ARPA | |
9 cc: G.CHIASSON@DREA-XX.ARPA | |
10 Message-ID: <12329394624.13.G.CHIASSON@DREA-XX.ARPA> | |
11 | |
12 Richard M. Stallman (RMS, widely known for creating EMACS) is writing | |
13 a UNIX clone called GNU (which means Gnu's Not Unix--a recursive acronym). | |
14 This seems to open the way to a whole gnu class of jokes. For example: | |
15 | |
16 Q: What do you call a person who hacks while wearing no clothes? | |
17 A: A gnudist. | |
18 | |
19 Q: What do you call an eligible young hacker? | |
20 A: Gnubile. | |
21 | |
22 Q: What is a hacker's favorite candy? | |
23 A: Gnugat. (Though it contains little gnutrition.) | |
24 | |
25 Q: What do you call a computer filled with air? | |
26 A: Gnumatic. | |
27 | |
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28 Q: What do you call a novice hacker who keeps pestering you |
25853 | 29 with foolish questions? |
30 A: A gnuisance. | |
31 | |
32 Q: What do you call a subtle, clever hack in the favorite language? | |
33 A: A gnuanCe. | |
34 | |
35 Q: What do you use a supercomputer for? | |
36 A: Gnumerical analysis. | |
37 | |
38 Q: What do you call a hacker who collects coins? | |
39 A: A gnumismatist. | |
40 | |
41 Well, there are more, just too gnumerous to tell all at once. I think | |
42 I'd better go before someone starts firing gnuclear weapons at me. | |
43 Don | |
44 | |
45 From: patl@athena.mit.edu (Patrick J. LoPresti) | |
46 Message-ID: <1991Jul11.031731.9260@athena.mit.edu> | |
47 Sender: news@athena.mit.edu (News system) | |
48 Subject: The True Path (long) | |
49 Date: 11 Jul 91 03:17:31 GMT | |
50 Path: ai-lab!mintaka!olivea!samsung!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!think.com!snorkelwacker.mit.edu!bloom-picayune.mit.edu!athena.mit.edu!patl | |
51 Newsgroups: alt.religion.emacs,alt.slack | |
52 Organization: Massachusetts Institute of Technology | |
53 Lines: 95 | |
54 Xref: ai-lab alt.religion.emacs:244 alt.slack:1935 | |
55 | |
56 When I log into my Xenix system with my 110 baud teletype, both vi | |
57 *and* Emacs are just too damn slow. They print useless messages like, | |
58 'C-h for help' and '"foo" File is read only'. So I use the editor | |
59 that doesn't waste my VALUABLE time. | |
60 | |
61 Ed, man! !man ed | |
62 | |
63 ED(1) UNIX Programmer's Manual ED(1) | |
64 | |
65 NAME | |
66 ed - text editor | |
67 | |
68 SYNOPSIS | |
69 ed [ - ] [ -x ] [ name ] | |
70 DESCRIPTION | |
71 Ed is the standard text editor. | |
72 --- | |
73 | |
74 Computer Scientists love ed, not just because it comes first | |
75 alphabetically, but because it's the standard. Everyone else loves ed | |
76 because it's ED! | |
77 | |
78 "Ed is the standard text editor." | |
79 | |
80 And ed doesn't waste space on my Timex Sinclair. Just look: | |
81 | |
82 -rwxr-xr-x 1 root 24 Oct 29 1929 /bin/ed | |
83 -rwxr-xr-t 4 root 1310720 Jan 1 1970 /usr/ucb/vi | |
84 -rwxr-xr-x 1 root 5.89824e37 Oct 22 1990 /usr/bin/emacs | |
85 | |
86 Of course, on the system *I* administrate, vi is symlinked to ed. | |
87 Emacs has been replaced by a shell script which 1) Generates a syslog | |
88 message at level LOG_EMERG; 2) reduces the user's disk quota by 100K; | |
89 and 3) RUNS ED!!!!!! | |
90 | |
91 "Ed is the standard text editor." | |
92 | |
93 Let's look at a typical novice's session with the mighty ed: | |
94 | |
95 golem> ed | |
96 | |
97 ? | |
98 help | |
99 ? | |
100 ? | |
101 ? | |
102 quit | |
103 ? | |
104 exit | |
105 ? | |
106 bye | |
107 ? | |
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108 hello? |
25853 | 109 ? |
110 eat flaming death | |
111 ? | |
112 ^C | |
113 ? | |
114 ^C | |
115 ? | |
116 ^D | |
117 ? | |
118 | |
119 --- | |
120 Note the consistent user interface and error reportage. Ed is | |
121 generous enough to flag errors, yet prudent enough not to overwhelm | |
122 the novice with verbosity. | |
123 | |
124 "Ed is the standard text editor." | |
125 | |
126 Ed, the greatest WYGIWYG editor of all. | |
127 | |
128 ED IS THE TRUE PATH TO NIRVANA! ED HAS BEEN THE CHOICE OF EDUCATED | |
129 AND IGNORANT ALIKE FOR CENTURIES! ED WILL NOT CORRUPT YOUR PRECIOUS | |
130 BODILY FLUIDS!! ED IS THE STANDARD TEXT EDITOR! ED MAKES THE SUN | |
131 SHINE AND THE BIRDS SING AND THE GRASS GREEN!! | |
132 | |
133 When I use an editor, I don't want eight extra KILOBYTES of worthless | |
134 help screens and cursor positioning code! I just want an EDitor!! | |
135 Not a "viitor". Not a "emacsitor". Those aren't even WORDS!!!! ED! | |
136 ED! ED IS THE STANDARD!!! | |
137 | |
138 TEXT EDITOR. | |
139 | |
140 When IBM, in its ever-present omnipotence, needed to base their | |
141 "edlin" on a UNIX standard, did they mimic vi? No. Emacs? Surely | |
142 you jest. They chose the most karmic editor of all. The standard. | |
143 | |
144 Ed is for those who can *remember* what they are working on. If you | |
145 are an idiot, you should use Emacs. If you are an Emacs, you should | |
146 not be vi. If you use ED, you are on THE PATH TO REDEMPTION. THE | |
147 SO-CALLED "VISUAL" EDITORS HAVE BEEN PLACED HERE BY ED TO TEMPT THE | |
148 FAITHLESS. DO NOT GIVE IN!!! THE MIGHTY ED HAS SPOKEN!!! | |
149 | |
150 ? | |
151 | |
152 From: The Unknown User <anonymous@nowhere.uucp> | |
153 Subject: EMACS -- What does it mean? | |
154 To: mit-prep!info-gnu-emacs@TOPAZ.RUTGERS.EDU | |
155 | |
156 EMACS belongs in <sys/errno.h>: Editor too big! | |
157 | |
158 | |
159 Escape-Meta-Alt-Control-Shift | |
160 | |
161 | |
162 From: harvard!topaz!BLUE!BRAIL@mit-eddie | |
163 Date: 9 Sep 85 17:25:27 EDT | |
164 Subject: EMACS -- What does it mean? | |
165 To: mit-prep!info-gnu-emacs@TOPAZ.RUTGERS.EDU | |
166 | |
167 EMACS may stand for "Editing MACroS," but some friends of mine | |
168 suggested some more creative definitions. Here they are. Anyone have | |
169 any additions? | |
170 | |
171 -------- | |
172 Eight | |
173 Megabytes | |
174 And | |
175 Constantly | |
176 Swapping | |
177 | |
178 Even a | |
179 Master of | |
180 Arts | |
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181 Comes |
25853 | 182 Simpler |
183 | |
184 Emacs | |
185 Manuals | |
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186 Are |
25853 | 187 Cryptic and |
188 Surreal | |
189 | |
190 Energetic | |
191 Merchants | |
192 Always | |
193 Cultivate | |
194 Sales | |
195 | |
196 Each | |
197 Manual's | |
198 Audience is | |
199 Completely | |
200 Stupified | |
201 | |
202 Emacs | |
203 Means | |
204 A | |
205 Crappy | |
206 Screen | |
207 | |
208 Eventually | |
209 Munches | |
210 All | |
211 Computer | |
212 Storage | |
213 | |
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214 Even |
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215 My |
25853 | 216 Aunt |
217 Crashes the | |
218 System | |
219 | |
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220 Eradication of |
25853 | 221 Memory |
222 Accomplished with | |
223 Complete | |
224 Simplicity | |
225 | |
226 Elsewhere | |
227 Maybe | |
228 Alternative | |
229 Civilizations | |
230 Survive | |
231 | |
232 Egregious | |
233 Managers | |
234 Actively | |
235 Court | |
236 Stallman | |
237 | |
238 Esoteric | |
239 Malleability | |
240 Always | |
241 Considered | |
242 Silly | |
243 | |
244 Emacs | |
245 Manuals | |
246 Always | |
247 Cause | |
248 Senility | |
249 | |
250 Easily | |
251 Maintained with the | |
252 Assistance of | |
253 Chemical | |
254 Solutions | |
255 | |
256 EMACS | |
257 MACRO | |
258 ACTED | |
259 CREDO | |
260 SODOM | |
261 | |
262 Edwardian | |
263 Manifestation of | |
264 All | |
265 Colonial | |
266 Sins | |
267 | |
268 Generally | |
269 Not | |
270 Used | |
271 | |
272 Except by | |
273 Middle | |
274 Aged | |
275 Computer | |
276 Scientists | |
277 | |
278 Extended | |
279 Macros | |
280 Are | |
281 Considered | |
282 Superfluous | |
283 | |
284 Every | |
285 Mode | |
286 Accelerates | |
287 Creation of | |
288 Software | |
289 | |
290 Elsewhere | |
291 Maybe | |
292 All | |
293 Commands are | |
294 Simple | |
295 | |
296 Emacs | |
297 May | |
298 Allow | |
46988 | 299 Customized |
25853 | 300 Screwups |
301 | |
302 Excellent | |
303 Manuals | |
304 Are | |
305 Clearly | |
306 Suppressed | |
307 | |
308 Emetic | |
309 Macros | |
310 Assault | |
311 Core and | |
312 Segmentation | |
313 | |
314 Embarrassed | |
315 Manual-Writer | |
316 Accused of | |
317 Communist | |
318 Subversion | |
319 | |
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320 Extensibility and |
25853 | 321 Modifiability |
322 Aggravate | |
323 Confirmed | |
324 Simpletons | |
325 | |
326 Emacs | |
327 May | |
328 Annihilate | |
329 Command | |
330 Structures | |
331 | |
332 Easily | |
333 Mangles, | |
334 Aborts, | |
335 Crashes and | |
336 Stupifies | |
337 | |
338 Extraneous | |
339 Macros | |
340 And | |
341 Commands | |
342 Stink | |
343 | |
344 Exceptionally | |
345 Mediocre | |
346 Algorithm for | |
347 Computer | |
348 Scientists | |
349 | |
350 EMACS | |
351 Makes no | |
352 Allowances | |
353 Considering its | |
354 Stiff price | |
355 | |
356 Equine | |
357 Mammals | |
358 Are | |
359 Considerably | |
360 Smaller | |
361 | |
362 Embarrassingly | |
363 Mundane | |
364 Advertising | |
365 Cuts | |
366 Sales | |
367 | |
368 Every | |
369 Moron | |
370 Assumes | |
371 CCA is | |
372 Superior | |
373 | |
374 Exceptionally | |
375 Mediocre | |
376 Autocratic | |
377 Control | |
378 System | |
379 | |
380 EMACS | |
381 May | |
382 Alienate | |
383 Clients and | |
384 Supporters | |
385 | |
386 Excavating | |
387 Mayan | |
388 Architecture | |
389 Comes | |
390 Simpler | |
391 | |
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392 Erasing |
25853 | 393 Minds |
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394 Allows |
25853 | 395 Complete |
396 Submission | |
397 | |
398 Every | |
399 Male | |
400 Adolescent | |
401 Craves | |
402 Sex | |
403 | |
404 Elephantine | |
405 Memory | |
406 Absolutely | |
407 Considered | |
408 Sine que non | |
409 | |
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410 Emacs |
25853 | 411 Makers |
412 Are | |
413 Crazy | |
414 Sickos | |
415 | |
416 Eenie-Meenie-Miney-Mo- | |
417 Macros | |
418 Are | |
419 Completely | |
420 Slow | |
421 | |
422 Experience the | |
423 Mildest | |
424 Ad | |
425 Campaign ever | |
426 Seen | |
427 | |
428 Emacs | |
429 Makefiles | |
430 Annihilate | |
431 C- | |
432 Shells | |
433 | |
434 Eradication of | |
435 Memory | |
436 Accomplished with | |
437 Complete | |
438 Simplicity | |
439 | |
440 Emetic | |
441 Macros | |
442 Assault | |
443 Core and | |
444 Segmentation | |
445 | |
446 Epileptic | |
447 MLisp | |
448 Aggravates | |
449 Compiler | |
450 Seizures | |
451 | |
452 Eleven thousand | |
453 Monkeys | |
454 Asynchronously | |
455 Crank out these | |
456 Slogans | |
457 ------- | |
458 | |
459 | |
460 From: ihnss!warren@mit-eddie (Warren Montgomery) | |
461 Newsgroups: net.emacs | |
462 Subject: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean? | |
463 Date: Tue, 10-Sep-85 09:14:24 EDT | |
464 Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Naperville, IL | |
465 Apparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep | |
466 | |
467 Someone at a luncheon suggested it meant: | |
468 | |
469 Evenings, | |
470 Mornings, | |
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471 And a |
25853 | 472 Couple of |
473 Saturdays | |
474 | |
475 (In reference to the odd hours that went into the creation of my | |
476 implementation). | |
477 | |
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478 -- |
25853 | 479 |
480 Warren Montgomery | |
481 ihnss!warren | |
482 IH ((312)-979) x2494 | |
483 | |
484 Date: Wed, 18 Sep 85 10:11:04 edt | |
485 From: inmet!tower@inmet.inmet (Leonard H. Tower Jr.) <inmet!tower@cca-unix> | |
486 Subject: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean? | |
487 To: tower@MIT-PREP.ARPA | |
488 | |
489 Received: by inmet.uucp (4.12/inmet) id AA02199; Wed, 18 Sep 85 09:10:17 edt | |
490 Date: Wed, 18 Sep 85 09:10:17 edt | |
491 Message-Id: <8509181310.AA02199@inmet.uucp> | |
492 Uucp-Paths: {bellcore,ima,ihnp4}!inmet!tower | |
493 Arpa-Path: ima!inmet!tower@CCA-UNIX.ARPA | |
494 Organization: Intermetrics, Inc., Cambridge, MA, USA | |
495 Home: 36 Porter Street, Somerville, MA 02143, USA +1 (617) 623-7739 | |
496 /* Written 6:48 pm Sep 14, 1985 by gml@ssc-vax in inmet:net.emacs */ | |
497 /* ---------- "Re: EMACS -- What does it mean?" ---------- */ | |
498 Pleeeeeeeze!!! Nice try on the meaning of EMACS. I believe the | |
499 correct acronym is: | |
500 | |
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501 Emacs |
25853 | 502 Makes |
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503 All |
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504 Computing |
25853 | 505 Simple |
506 | |
507 Thank you, and Good Night | |
508 /* End of text from inmet:net.emacs */ | |
509 | |
510 From: ho95e!wcs@mit-eddie (Bill.Stewart.4K435.x0705) | |
511 Newsgroups: net.emacs | |
512 Subject: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean? | |
513 Date: Thu, 26-Sep-85 21:43:54 EDT | |
514 Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel NJ | |
515 Apparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep | |
516 | |
517 > > very interesting, but what does GNU stand for ? | |
518 > GNU = Gnu's Not UNIX. There is also MINCE, for Mince Is Not a Complete Emacs. | |
519 > More recursive acronyms, anyone? | |
520 Many people have also seen FINE Is Not Emacs, but the one that has | |
521 character is THief Isn't Even Fine. | |
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522 -- |
25853 | 523 ## Bill Stewart, AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel NJ 1-201-949-0705 ihnp4!ho95c!wcs |
524 | |
525 Path: mit-eddie!think!harvard!bbnccv!bbncca!linus!decvax!mcnc!ncsu!uvacs!edison!ta2 | |
526 From: edison!ta2@mit-eddie (tom allebrandi) | |
527 Newsgroups: net.emacs | |
528 Subject: Re: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean? | |
529 Date: Sun, 29-Sep-85 18:11:55 EDT | |
530 Organization: General Electric's Mountain Resort | |
531 Apparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep | |
532 | |
533 > GNU = Gnu's Not UNIX. There is also MINCE, for Mince Is Not a Complete Emacs. | |
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534 > |
25853 | 535 > More recursive acronyms, anyone? |
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536 > |
25853 | 537 |
538 For the DEC-system-10/20: FINE - Fine Is Not Emacs..... | |
539 | |
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540 -- |
25853 | 541 ............... |
542 tom allebrandi 2, general electric aco, charlottesville, va | |
543 {decvax,duke}!mcnc!ncsu!uvacs!edison!ta2 | |
544 box 8106, charlottesville, va, 22906 | |
545 (804) 978-5566 | |
546 ............... | |
547 | |
548 Date: Wed, 16 Oct 85 01:38:12 edt | |
549 From: inmet!tower (Leonard H. Tower Jr.) <inmet!tower@cca-unix> | |
550 Subject: more names | |
551 To: tower@MIT-PREP.ARPA | |
552 | |
553 Received: by inmet.uucp (4.12/inmet) id AA12997; Tue, 15 Oct 85 22:31:39 edt | |
554 Date: Tue, 15 Oct 85 22:31:39 edt | |
555 Message-Id: <8510160231.AA12997@inmet.uucp> | |
556 Uucp-Paths: {bellcore,ima,ihnp4}!inmet!tower | |
557 Arpa-Path: ima!inmet!tower@CCA-UNIX.ARPA | |
558 Organization: Intermetrics, Inc., Cambridge, MA, USA | |
559 Home: 36 Porter Street, Somerville, MA 02143, USA +1 (617) 623-7739 | |
560 /* Written 12:20 pm Oct 14, 1985 by rs@mirror.UUCP in inmet:net.emacs */ | |
561 | |
562 | |
563 SINE: Sine Is Not Emacs | |
564 (MIT Architecture Machine Group) | |
565 | |
566 EINE: Eine is Not Emacs | |
567 (MIT Lisp Machine) | |
568 | |
569 ZWEI: Zwei Was Eine Initially | |
570 ("rev2" of EINE) | |
571 | |
572 -- | |
573 Rich $alz {mit-eddie, ihnp4!inmet, wjh12, cca, datacube} !mirror!rs | |
574 Mirror Systems 2067 Massachusetts Ave. | |
575 617-661-0777 Cambridge, MA, 02140 | |
576 /* End of text from inmet:net.emacs */ | |
577 | |
578 Path: mit-eddie!genrad!panda!talcott!harvard!seismo!gatech!ulysses!pajb | |
579 From: ulysses!pajb@mit-eddie (Paul Bennett) | |
580 Newsgroups: net.emacs | |
581 Subject: Here we go again ... | |
582 Date: Sat, 19-Oct-85 17:26:49 EDT | |
583 Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories, Murray Hill | |
584 Apparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep | |
585 | |
586 | |
587 > EINE: Eine is Not Emacs | |
588 > (MIT Lisp Machine) | |
589 > | |
590 > ZWEI: Zwei Was Eine Initially | |
591 > ("rev2" of EINE) | |
592 | |
593 DREI: DREI - Really Emacs Inside | |
594 (Exists only in my head) | |
595 | |
596 From: friedman@gnu.ai.mit.edu (Noah Friedman) | |
597 Sender: friedman@gnu.ai.mit.edu | |
598 To: jimb@gnu.ai.mit.edu, rms@gnu.ai.mit.edu | |
599 Subject: etc/emacs.names | |
600 Date: Fri, 9 Oct 92 00:54:57 edt | |
601 | |
602 The following should be added: | |
603 | |
604 | |
605 Emacs | |
606 Makes | |
607 A | |
608 Computer | |
609 Slow | |
610 | |
611 From: S_TITZ@iravcl.ira.uka.de (Olaf Titz) | |
612 Newsgroups: alt.religion.emacs | |
613 Subject: Re: what emacs stands for | |
614 Date: 12 Oct 92 19:29:32 GMT | |
615 | |
616 Emacs Masquerades As Comfortable Shell | |
617 Ever Made A Control-key Setup? | |
618 Emacs: My Alternative Computer Story | |
619 Emacs Made Almost Completely Screwed | |
620 (by extensive use of M-x global-unset-key) | |
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Juanma Barranquero <lekktu@gmail.com>
parents:
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621 Emacs Macht Alle Computer Schoen |
25853 | 622 (deutsch) (=Emacs makes all computers beautiful) |
623 Each Mail A Continued Surprise | |
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Juanma Barranquero <lekktu@gmail.com>
parents:
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624 Every Mode Acknowledges Customized Strokes |
25853 | 625 (keystrokes, of course :-) |
626 Eating Memory And Cycle-Sucking | |
627 Everyday Material Almost Compiled Successfully | |
628 | |
629 now enough bashing for today :-) | |
630 | |
631 | |
632 From: elvis@gnu.ai.mit.edu | |
633 To: emacs-19-bugs@gnu.ai.mit.edu | |
634 Subject: missing from etc/emacs.names | |
635 Date: Thu, 20 May 93 02:21:27 edt | |
636 | |
637 | |
638 Elvis | |
639 Masterminds | |
640 All | |
641 Computer | |
642 Software | |
643 | |
644 Just so you boys know the score. | |
645 | |
646 Thank you very Much, | |
647 The King |