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1 The Free Software Foundation claims no copyright on this file,
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2 compiled largely from postings to public newsgroups and mailing lists,
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3 and the GNU project email archives.
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4
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5
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6 From: Don Chiasson <G.CHIASSON@DREA-XX.ARPA>
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7 Subject: Some gnu jokes
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8 To: jokes@DREA-XX.ARPA, gergely@DREA-XX.ARPA, broome@DREA-XX.ARPA
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9 cc: G.CHIASSON@DREA-XX.ARPA
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10 Message-ID: <12329394624.13.G.CHIASSON@DREA-XX.ARPA>
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11
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12 Richard M. Stallman (RMS, widely known for creating EMACS) is writing
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13 a UNIX clone called GNU (which means Gnu's Not Unix--a recursive acronym).
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14 This seems to open the way to a whole gnu class of jokes. For example:
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15
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16 Q: What do you call a person who hacks while wearing no clothes?
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17 A: A gnudist.
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18
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19 Q: What do you call an eligible young hacker?
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20 A: Gnubile.
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21
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22 Q: What is a hacker's favorite candy?
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23 A: Gnugat. (Though it contains little gnutrition.)
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24
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25 Q: What do you call a computer filled with air?
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26 A: Gnumatic.
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27
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28 Q: What do you call a novice hacker who keeps pestering you
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29 with foolish questions?
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30 A: A gnuisance.
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31
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32 Q: What do you call a subtle, clever hack in the favorite language?
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33 A: A gnuanCe.
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34
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35 Q: What do you use a supercomputer for?
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36 A: Gnumerical analysis.
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37
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38 Q: What do you call a hacker who collects coins?
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39 A: A gnumismatist.
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40
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41 Well, there are more, just too gnumerous to tell all at once. I think
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42 I'd better go before someone starts firing gnuclear weapons at me.
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43 Don
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44
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45 From: patl@athena.mit.edu (Patrick J. LoPresti)
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46 Message-ID: <1991Jul11.031731.9260@athena.mit.edu>
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47 Sender: news@athena.mit.edu (News system)
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48 Subject: The True Path (long)
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49 Date: 11 Jul 91 03:17:31 GMT
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50 Path: ai-lab!mintaka!olivea!samsung!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!think.com!snorkelwacker.mit.edu!bloom-picayune.mit.edu!athena.mit.edu!patl
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51 Newsgroups: alt.religion.emacs,alt.slack
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52 Organization: Massachusetts Institute of Technology
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53 Lines: 95
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54 Xref: ai-lab alt.religion.emacs:244 alt.slack:1935
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55
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56 When I log into my Xenix system with my 110 baud teletype, both vi
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57 *and* Emacs are just too damn slow. They print useless messages like,
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58 'C-h for help' and '"foo" File is read only'. So I use the editor
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59 that doesn't waste my VALUABLE time.
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60
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61 Ed, man! !man ed
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62
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63 ED(1) UNIX Programmer's Manual ED(1)
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64
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65 NAME
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66 ed - text editor
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67
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68 SYNOPSIS
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69 ed [ - ] [ -x ] [ name ]
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70 DESCRIPTION
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71 Ed is the standard text editor.
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72 ---
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73
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74 Computer Scientists love ed, not just because it comes first
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75 alphabetically, but because it's the standard. Everyone else loves ed
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76 because it's ED!
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77
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78 "Ed is the standard text editor."
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79
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80 And ed doesn't waste space on my Timex Sinclair. Just look:
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81
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82 -rwxr-xr-x 1 root 24 Oct 29 1929 /bin/ed
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83 -rwxr-xr-t 4 root 1310720 Jan 1 1970 /usr/ucb/vi
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84 -rwxr-xr-x 1 root 5.89824e37 Oct 22 1990 /usr/bin/emacs
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85
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86 Of course, on the system *I* administrate, vi is symlinked to ed.
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87 Emacs has been replaced by a shell script which 1) Generates a syslog
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88 message at level LOG_EMERG; 2) reduces the user's disk quota by 100K;
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89 and 3) RUNS ED!!!!!!
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90
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91 "Ed is the standard text editor."
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92
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93 Let's look at a typical novice's session with the mighty ed:
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94
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95 golem> ed
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96
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97 ?
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98 help
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99 ?
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100 ?
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101 ?
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102 quit
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103 ?
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104 exit
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105 ?
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106 bye
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107 ?
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108 hello?
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109 ?
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110 eat flaming death
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111 ?
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112 ^C
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113 ?
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114 ^C
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115 ?
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116 ^D
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117 ?
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118
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119 ---
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120 Note the consistent user interface and error reportage. Ed is
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121 generous enough to flag errors, yet prudent enough not to overwhelm
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122 the novice with verbosity.
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123
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124 "Ed is the standard text editor."
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125
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126 Ed, the greatest WYGIWYG editor of all.
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127
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128 ED IS THE TRUE PATH TO NIRVANA! ED HAS BEEN THE CHOICE OF EDUCATED
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129 AND IGNORANT ALIKE FOR CENTURIES! ED WILL NOT CORRUPT YOUR PRECIOUS
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130 BODILY FLUIDS!! ED IS THE STANDARD TEXT EDITOR! ED MAKES THE SUN
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131 SHINE AND THE BIRDS SING AND THE GRASS GREEN!!
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132
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133 When I use an editor, I don't want eight extra KILOBYTES of worthless
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134 help screens and cursor positioning code! I just want an EDitor!!
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135 Not a "viitor". Not a "emacsitor". Those aren't even WORDS!!!! ED!
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136 ED! ED IS THE STANDARD!!!
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137
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138 TEXT EDITOR.
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139
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140 When IBM, in its ever-present omnipotence, needed to base their
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141 "edlin" on a UNIX standard, did they mimic vi? No. Emacs? Surely
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142 you jest. They chose the most karmic editor of all. The standard.
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143
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144 Ed is for those who can *remember* what they are working on. If you
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145 are an idiot, you should use Emacs. If you are an Emacs, you should
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146 not be vi. If you use ED, you are on THE PATH TO REDEMPTION. THE
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147 SO-CALLED "VISUAL" EDITORS HAVE BEEN PLACED HERE BY ED TO TEMPT THE
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148 FAITHLESS. DO NOT GIVE IN!!! THE MIGHTY ED HAS SPOKEN!!!
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149
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150 ?
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151
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152 From: The Unknown User <anonymous@nowhere.uucp>
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153 Subject: EMACS -- What does it mean?
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154 To: mit-prep!info-gnu-emacs@TOPAZ.RUTGERS.EDU
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155
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156 EMACS belongs in <sys/errno.h>: Editor too big!
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157
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158
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159 Escape-Meta-Alt-Control-Shift
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160
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161
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162 From: harvard!topaz!BLUE!BRAIL@mit-eddie
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163 Date: 9 Sep 85 17:25:27 EDT
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164 Subject: EMACS -- What does it mean?
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165 To: mit-prep!info-gnu-emacs@TOPAZ.RUTGERS.EDU
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166
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167 EMACS may stand for "Editing MACroS," but some friends of mine
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168 suggested some more creative definitions. Here they are. Anyone have
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169 any additions?
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170
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171 --------
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172 Eight
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173 Megabytes
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174 And
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175 Constantly
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176 Swapping
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177
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178 Even a
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179 Master of
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180 Arts
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181 Comes
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182 Simpler
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183
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184 Emacs
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185 Manuals
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186 Are
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187 Cryptic and
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188 Surreal
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189
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190 Energetic
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191 Merchants
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192 Always
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193 Cultivate
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194 Sales
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195
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196 Each
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197 Manual's
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198 Audience is
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199 Completely
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200 Stupified
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201
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202 Emacs
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203 Means
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204 A
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205 Crappy
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206 Screen
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207
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208 Eventually
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209 Munches
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210 All
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211 Computer
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212 Storage
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213
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214 Even
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215 My
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216 Aunt
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217 Crashes the
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218 System
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219
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220 Eradication of
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221 Memory
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222 Accomplished with
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223 Complete
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224 Simplicity
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225
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226 Elsewhere
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227 Maybe
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228 Alternative
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229 Civilizations
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230 Survive
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231
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232 Egregious
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233 Managers
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234 Actively
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235 Court
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236 Stallman
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237
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238 Esoteric
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239 Malleability
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240 Always
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241 Considered
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242 Silly
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243
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244 Emacs
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245 Manuals
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246 Always
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247 Cause
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248 Senility
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249
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250 Easily
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251 Maintained with the
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252 Assistance of
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253 Chemical
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254 Solutions
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255
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256 EMACS
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257 MACRO
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258 ACTED
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259 CREDO
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260 SODOM
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261
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262 Edwardian
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263 Manifestation of
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264 All
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265 Colonial
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266 Sins
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267
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268 Generally
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269 Not
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270 Used
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271
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272 Except by
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273 Middle
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274 Aged
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275 Computer
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276 Scientists
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277
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278 Extended
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279 Macros
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280 Are
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281 Considered
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282 Superfluous
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283
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284 Every
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285 Mode
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286 Accelerates
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287 Creation of
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288 Software
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289
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290 Elsewhere
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291 Maybe
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292 All
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293 Commands are
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294 Simple
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295
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296 Emacs
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297 May
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298 Allow
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46988
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299 Customized
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300 Screwups
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301
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302 Excellent
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303 Manuals
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304 Are
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305 Clearly
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306 Suppressed
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307
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308 Emetic
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309 Macros
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310 Assault
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311 Core and
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312 Segmentation
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313
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314 Embarrassed
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315 Manual-Writer
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316 Accused of
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317 Communist
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318 Subversion
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319
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320 Extensibility and
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321 Modifiability
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322 Aggravate
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323 Confirmed
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324 Simpletons
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325
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326 Emacs
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327 May
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328 Annihilate
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329 Command
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330 Structures
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331
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332 Easily
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333 Mangles,
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334 Aborts,
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335 Crashes and
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336 Stupifies
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337
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338 Extraneous
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339 Macros
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340 And
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341 Commands
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342 Stink
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343
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344 Exceptionally
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345 Mediocre
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346 Algorithm for
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347 Computer
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348 Scientists
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349
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350 EMACS
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351 Makes no
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352 Allowances
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353 Considering its
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354 Stiff price
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355
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356 Equine
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357 Mammals
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358 Are
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359 Considerably
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360 Smaller
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361
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362 Embarrassingly
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363 Mundane
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364 Advertising
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365 Cuts
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366 Sales
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367
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368 Every
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369 Moron
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370 Assumes
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371 CCA is
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372 Superior
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373
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374 Exceptionally
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375 Mediocre
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376 Autocratic
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377 Control
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378 System
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379
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380 EMACS
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381 May
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382 Alienate
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383 Clients and
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384 Supporters
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385
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386 Excavating
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387 Mayan
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388 Architecture
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389 Comes
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390 Simpler
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391
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392 Erasing
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393 Minds
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394 Allows
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395 Complete
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396 Submission
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397
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398 Every
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399 Male
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400 Adolescent
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401 Craves
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402 Sex
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403
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404 Elephantine
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405 Memory
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406 Absolutely
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407 Considered
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408 Sine que non
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409
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410 Emacs
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411 Makers
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412 Are
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413 Crazy
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414 Sickos
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415
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416 Eenie-Meenie-Miney-Mo-
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417 Macros
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418 Are
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419 Completely
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420 Slow
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421
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422 Experience the
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423 Mildest
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424 Ad
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425 Campaign ever
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426 Seen
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427
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428 Emacs
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429 Makefiles
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430 Annihilate
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431 C-
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432 Shells
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433
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434 Eradication of
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435 Memory
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436 Accomplished with
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437 Complete
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438 Simplicity
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439
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440 Emetic
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441 Macros
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442 Assault
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443 Core and
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444 Segmentation
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445
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446 Epileptic
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447 MLisp
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448 Aggravates
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449 Compiler
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450 Seizures
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451
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452 Eleven thousand
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453 Monkeys
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454 Asynchronously
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455 Crank out these
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456 Slogans
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457 -------
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458
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459
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460 From: ihnss!warren@mit-eddie (Warren Montgomery)
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461 Newsgroups: net.emacs
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462 Subject: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean?
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463 Date: Tue, 10-Sep-85 09:14:24 EDT
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464 Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Naperville, IL
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465 Apparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep
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466
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467 Someone at a luncheon suggested it meant:
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468
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469 Evenings,
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470 Mornings,
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49600
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471 And a
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25853
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472 Couple of
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473 Saturdays
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474
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475 (In reference to the odd hours that went into the creation of my
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476 implementation).
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477
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49600
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478 --
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25853
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479
|
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480 Warren Montgomery
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481 ihnss!warren
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|
482 IH ((312)-979) x2494
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483
|
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|
484 Date: Wed, 18 Sep 85 10:11:04 edt
|
|
|
485 From: inmet!tower@inmet.inmet (Leonard H. Tower Jr.) <inmet!tower@cca-unix>
|
|
|
486 Subject: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean?
|
|
|
487 To: tower@MIT-PREP.ARPA
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|
|
488
|
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489 Received: by inmet.uucp (4.12/inmet) id AA02199; Wed, 18 Sep 85 09:10:17 edt
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490 Date: Wed, 18 Sep 85 09:10:17 edt
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491 Message-Id: <8509181310.AA02199@inmet.uucp>
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492 Uucp-Paths: {bellcore,ima,ihnp4}!inmet!tower
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493 Arpa-Path: ima!inmet!tower@CCA-UNIX.ARPA
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494 Organization: Intermetrics, Inc., Cambridge, MA, USA
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495 Home: 36 Porter Street, Somerville, MA 02143, USA +1 (617) 623-7739
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496 /* Written 6:48 pm Sep 14, 1985 by gml@ssc-vax in inmet:net.emacs */
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497 /* ---------- "Re: EMACS -- What does it mean?" ---------- */
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498 Pleeeeeeeze!!! Nice try on the meaning of EMACS. I believe the
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499 correct acronym is:
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500
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49600
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501 Emacs
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25853
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502 Makes
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503 All
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504 Computing
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25853
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505 Simple
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506
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507 Thank you, and Good Night
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508 /* End of text from inmet:net.emacs */
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509
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510 From: ho95e!wcs@mit-eddie (Bill.Stewart.4K435.x0705)
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511 Newsgroups: net.emacs
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512 Subject: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean?
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513 Date: Thu, 26-Sep-85 21:43:54 EDT
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514 Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel NJ
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515 Apparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep
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516
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517 > > very interesting, but what does GNU stand for ?
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518 > GNU = Gnu's Not UNIX. There is also MINCE, for Mince Is Not a Complete Emacs.
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519 > More recursive acronyms, anyone?
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520 Many people have also seen FINE Is Not Emacs, but the one that has
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521 character is THief Isn't Even Fine.
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49600
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522 --
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25853
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523 ## Bill Stewart, AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel NJ 1-201-949-0705 ihnp4!ho95c!wcs
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524
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525 Path: mit-eddie!think!harvard!bbnccv!bbncca!linus!decvax!mcnc!ncsu!uvacs!edison!ta2
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526 From: edison!ta2@mit-eddie (tom allebrandi)
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527 Newsgroups: net.emacs
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528 Subject: Re: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean?
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529 Date: Sun, 29-Sep-85 18:11:55 EDT
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530 Organization: General Electric's Mountain Resort
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531 Apparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep
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532
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533 > GNU = Gnu's Not UNIX. There is also MINCE, for Mince Is Not a Complete Emacs.
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534 >
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535 > More recursive acronyms, anyone?
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49600
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536 >
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537
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538 For the DEC-system-10/20: FINE - Fine Is Not Emacs.....
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539
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540 --
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541 ...............
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542 tom allebrandi 2, general electric aco, charlottesville, va
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543 {decvax,duke}!mcnc!ncsu!uvacs!edison!ta2
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544 box 8106, charlottesville, va, 22906
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545 (804) 978-5566
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546 ...............
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547
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548 Date: Wed, 16 Oct 85 01:38:12 edt
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549 From: inmet!tower (Leonard H. Tower Jr.) <inmet!tower@cca-unix>
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550 Subject: more names
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551 To: tower@MIT-PREP.ARPA
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552
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553 Received: by inmet.uucp (4.12/inmet) id AA12997; Tue, 15 Oct 85 22:31:39 edt
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554 Date: Tue, 15 Oct 85 22:31:39 edt
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555 Message-Id: <8510160231.AA12997@inmet.uucp>
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556 Uucp-Paths: {bellcore,ima,ihnp4}!inmet!tower
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557 Arpa-Path: ima!inmet!tower@CCA-UNIX.ARPA
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558 Organization: Intermetrics, Inc., Cambridge, MA, USA
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559 Home: 36 Porter Street, Somerville, MA 02143, USA +1 (617) 623-7739
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560 /* Written 12:20 pm Oct 14, 1985 by rs@mirror.UUCP in inmet:net.emacs */
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561
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562
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563 SINE: Sine Is Not Emacs
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564 (MIT Architecture Machine Group)
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565
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566 EINE: Eine is Not Emacs
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567 (MIT Lisp Machine)
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568
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569 ZWEI: Zwei Was Eine Initially
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570 ("rev2" of EINE)
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571
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572 --
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573 Rich $alz {mit-eddie, ihnp4!inmet, wjh12, cca, datacube} !mirror!rs
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574 Mirror Systems 2067 Massachusetts Ave.
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575 617-661-0777 Cambridge, MA, 02140
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576 /* End of text from inmet:net.emacs */
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577
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578 Path: mit-eddie!genrad!panda!talcott!harvard!seismo!gatech!ulysses!pajb
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579 From: ulysses!pajb@mit-eddie (Paul Bennett)
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580 Newsgroups: net.emacs
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581 Subject: Here we go again ...
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582 Date: Sat, 19-Oct-85 17:26:49 EDT
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583 Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories, Murray Hill
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584 Apparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep
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585
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586
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587 > EINE: Eine is Not Emacs
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588 > (MIT Lisp Machine)
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589 >
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590 > ZWEI: Zwei Was Eine Initially
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591 > ("rev2" of EINE)
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592
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593 DREI: DREI - Really Emacs Inside
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594 (Exists only in my head)
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595
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596 From: friedman@gnu.ai.mit.edu (Noah Friedman)
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597 Sender: friedman@gnu.ai.mit.edu
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598 To: jimb@gnu.ai.mit.edu, rms@gnu.ai.mit.edu
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599 Subject: etc/emacs.names
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600 Date: Fri, 9 Oct 92 00:54:57 edt
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601
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602 The following should be added:
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603
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604
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605 Emacs
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606 Makes
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607 A
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608 Computer
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609 Slow
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610
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611 From: S_TITZ@iravcl.ira.uka.de (Olaf Titz)
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612 Newsgroups: alt.religion.emacs
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613 Subject: Re: what emacs stands for
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614 Date: 12 Oct 92 19:29:32 GMT
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615
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616 Emacs Masquerades As Comfortable Shell
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617 Ever Made A Control-key Setup?
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618 Emacs: My Alternative Computer Story
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619 Emacs Made Almost Completely Screwed
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620 (by extensive use of M-x global-unset-key)
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621 Emacs Macht Alle Computer Schoen
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25853
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622 (deutsch) (=Emacs makes all computers beautiful)
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623 Each Mail A Continued Surprise
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49600
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624 Every Mode Acknowledges Customized Strokes
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25853
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625 (keystrokes, of course :-)
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626 Eating Memory And Cycle-Sucking
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627 Everyday Material Almost Compiled Successfully
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628
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629 now enough bashing for today :-)
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630
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631
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632 From: elvis@gnu.ai.mit.edu
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633 To: emacs-19-bugs@gnu.ai.mit.edu
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634 Subject: missing from etc/emacs.names
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635 Date: Thu, 20 May 93 02:21:27 edt
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636
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637
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638 Elvis
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639 Masterminds
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640 All
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641 Computer
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642 Software
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643
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644 Just so you boys know the score.
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645
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646 Thank you very Much,
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647 The King
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